Thursday was a day off work. A day to stay home and finalize my sewing projects: make 2 pair of boots, hem a dress, make some arm bracers and alter my dress (yay - it's still too big. I didn't want to alter it early cuz I began to believe I might grow into it :)
It was also yet again another day for Alb to work on the house. He's working so hard and things are coming together quite nicely. I really am proud of him. Glad I snagged him from the throng of women chasing after him all those years ago.
But here's my issue: When I have lots to do and concentrate on, I like silence. I like to be left alone in my own little bubble with thoughts and visions running back and forth ever so silently through my brain. Alb produces much better with music playing. And his work also requires a compressor to be running. And an air nailer. And he sings. And I had my sewing machine zinging along. And Jed had the TV blaring so he could hear it over the symphony of sounds within our walls...
About 3 o'clock I literally thought I was going insane. I had to get out. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was bleeding to death in a female cycle I've had no use for for 22 years. Or that I hadn't eaten anything yet that day. Or that I tried to make an appointment with my hairdresser and she's having a difficult pregnancy and won't be working this month. (Dammit, why couldn't she plan these things around my family wedding!) And I was supposed to be going to my doctor for analysis of my blood pressure and the medications he's got me on. Turns out he's on vacation for 2 weeks and I'm running out of pills. And my house was chilly cuz it's a cool day and all the doors are open with the construction going on. I'm stressed. I'm cold. I'm hungry. I need a haircut. I need some silence. I just have to leave. (I can see it all now- menopause will not sit well with me when it arrives.)
I kissed my hubby and said, "There's too much noise. I gotta get out. I'm gonna see if I can find someone to cut my hair."
I got into my car. My black leather car had the sun shining on it and it was like an oven. A glorious therapeutic oven. I pulled the door shut with a thud. Ohhh, the silence contained within. Hot leathery, coconut air freshener silence. I burst into tears at the pure joy of it. I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to sit there basking in the quiet heat. But I covered up my red eyes with sunglasses and drove away.
I tried a few places to walk in off the street and get a hair cut-and-colour but no one had immediate openings for me. I made an appointment for Friday evening and headed off for some retail therapy.
I promised myself I wouldn't go Granny-crazy and start baby shopping until after the wedding. But I only promised myself. I didn't say it out loud, nor did I put it in writing. So I caved. And I shopped. I keep being drawn to the boy things, but I bought a gender-neutral little yellow sleeper and a pregnancy journal for Mommy Jade. I priced out a lot of other things. Okay, perhaps I picked up a couple of other items and tucked them away. They were on sale. It was therapy. I did it for my health.
Hopefully I can remember where I stashed the items come February when baby arrives, and before he grows out of them. ... And if he's a girl, what the heck, there's always next time.