New Reality

They often say that Christmas, or other special days, can be extremely difficult when they come soon after you lose someone. And to be sure, there were some difficult things. But I have to say that I welcomed the distraction. 

It wasn't particularly a distraction from grieving, but rather something to focus on to fill the emptiness that has potential to swallow you up. 

Yesterday I packed up Christmas.

So with my distraction tucked away in boxes in the basement, and the kids all gone back to their respective homes, sh!t gets real now. 

It feels like today, January 2nd, is the first day of my new reality. Even though my old reality ended five weeks ago. 

I don't really know what life will look like a week from now, a month from now, a year from now. But for today I will put one foot in front of the other and begin to walk it out. 

I think I'll start by trying to resurrect the blog a bit. I'll do it mostly as a therapy for me and for my own record keeping. I don't plan to share a daily link on Facebook (but we'll see how exhibitionistic I get) but you are free to follow along, dropping in and out as you see fit. 

Two goals, or rather determinations, I have for my new reality are that I want to try to be intentionally grateful each day for something. Anything. Some days this may be something as grandiose as heaven itself, and other days it may simply be wine. 

And speaking of wine, my second determination is to try (notice my casual insertion of the word 'try' which sort of gives me an out) not to drink alone because, well just because, it can lead to places I don't want to go.  So, if you think I'm deserving of a glass... c'mon over. 

Now, on with my new reality. 

I'll start by throwing in a load of laundry and washing the kitchen floor. It seems there really is nothing new under the sun after all. 



Today's gratitude item: I have the flexibility to change my mind. Just as I'm about to hit enter on this submission, the kidlets texted to see if they could come over. I'll throw the laundry in, but the floor washing gets punted.