I Wish You Pleasure and Contentment in 2019

There are two December traditions that for a couple of decades I have been subjecting my circle of family, friends and casual onlookers to. 

The first is early in the month when I send out hand painted (occasionally they have not been painted, but some other sort of handcrafted) Christmas cards.  

The recipient list fluctuates a bit year-to-year according to who is prevalent in my circle, and who moved and didn't leave me a forwarding address. But generally the list sits somewhere around 110 cards. It is a lot of work, but I enjoy it and usually start painting during the summer while out at the cabin. 

For the first time in nearly 20 years those cards didn't go out this year. 

Oh, they got painted. They are assembled. They sit in a stack in my closet. I simply couldn't bring myself to sign just my name on them, for "I" have been "we" all of my adult life. One of the hardest things this Christmas season was to write "Love Granny" on a stack of gifts. 

My second annual tradition is to spam everyone I know with a year-end review of our lives on Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve or New Year's Day - depending on my procrastination level. 

I ditched the cards, but think I'll try to pick up the ball and carry on with the review... 

"Happy New Year!" 

It's how most of us begin the year. 

Google defines "happy' as: Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. 

And I have to say when 2018 was a "new" year, our home was filled with pleasure and contentment. We had just finished a major renovation to the main living space of our home and managed to move back into it, mostly finished, in time for Christmas dinner. 

We were in Kamloops the first cold and snowy week of the year to watch the girls while Brandi and Kore had a getaway to New York for their 5th anniversary. The sketchy weather (especially back east) meant a few rescheduled flights and turbulent travel, but a trip to remember for them for sure. 

Of course we had no idea on Jan 23 that our 36th anniversary would be our last anniversary. But we did it up in style and picked up McDonalds for supper. 

We coulda done it up fancy for our final anniversary. But we did it real. 

In February I participated in a daily art challenge. It was supposed to be 28 days, but I was enjoying it so much I managed to drag it out for an extra 30 days or so. 

Connie and I headed off to Texas in April for nearly two weeks of sister time. I'm pretty sure it's the only time we've ever spent time like that with just us three sisters. It was great. And even Andy survived it.  

<3 my="" sissies="" td="">

The day after I got home from Texas Albert had a little altercation with an industrial drill and ended up with a broken left hand. That had him off work until the end of June. It was kinda nice to have a couple of months where he couldn't work and we could just hang out, living on reduced income and credit cards. 

After not being removed for over 20 years, his ring was cut off. Kinda symbolic of  what was to come, I think. 

My ever helpful hubby helping the Dr fix up his hand.  

We made a couple of trips to Kamloops while Albert was off work - one of which JimE came along and helped one-armed Papa (and Daddy and Grandpa Geo) build a fancy castle playhouse for the girls. 

June was referred to as "Junuary" because it wasn't all that warm, but we got lots of cabin time in at the lake.  

Maeve, Papa's Little Boopsie Boo, graduated kindergarten. It's crazy how fast time goes. 

I don't know that I ever learned the reason, but during June there were many days that the local gas stations ran out of gas. I'm sure the reasons were political and I don't do politics, so I didn't investigate too hard. 

July saw Ken and Jade celebrating 10 years of marriage. Which also means it's been 10 years since we started hanging out at Vivian Lake. We took Xander and Maeve out there for a few days so K&J could have a few days to themselves. And like typical parents, they came and spent one of the days out there with us. :) 

In August we took Maeve and Jed away with us to attend the Keefers reunion. We managed to make it through all the mudslides in the Cache Creek area, but many others were diverted through to Little Fort and Kamloops. 

On the way home from the reunion we watched as smoke started to roll in and sock in our entire province. And for six weeks people were mostly housebound due to all the forest fires. We didn't get much lake time until after the September long weekend. August felt dull and depressing due to the smoke, even though without the fires it would have been a completely sunny month. 

We took Xander to Kamloops with us for a few days to celebrate Beatrice's fourth birthday. And we brought the girls home to PG with us for a few days while B&K attended a wedding on the Island. 

Freezing cold pitstop on the way home to PG 

A couple of days before Sept 10, when we left for a week in Alberta with JimE, Albert sort of felt like he had a bit of a stomach bug but didn't say much about it, assuming it would be gone in a day or two. 

We were excited to FINALLY be making the trip to Alberta that we'd been promising to Coralie & Greg and Al & Rachelle for a decade and a half.  

Who friggin' knew there was a castle in Alberta??!!? 

He didn't complain while we were gone, even though he really wasn't sleeping and was forcing himself to eat. And when we got home he decided to stop drinking wine for a while to see if a bit of overindulgence during the past few months while not working much was causing problems for him. 

And by the beginning of October he knew a trip to the doctor was in order. I was thinking that it might be gallbladder problems, as a lot of the symptoms lined up with that. Ok, I admit I might have been 'ostriching' and burying my head in the sand because I didn't want to consider alternatives. 

He had all the typical blood, urine and stools tests done and although things weren't totally off the charts, a lot of things were slightly elevated or low. The doctor suggested that pointed to some sort of infection in the body and sent him for a CT scan. I now suspect that he thought it was more than "some sort of infection" but as a doctor is trained not to scare the crap out of the patient and their spouse before absolutely necessary. 

On October 16th the C-bomb was dropped. Tumours too numerous to count in the liver and throughout the belly cavity (outside the organs) were deemed to be secondary cancer, so no steps could be taken until the primary source was determined. 

Over the next few days he had scopes and scans and further tests that showed further secondary tumours in the lungs and the primary tumour in the esophagus. There was no treatment available beyond prayers of desperation and preparation for the inevitable. 

While he wasn't eating much and he had some discomfort, his pain level was really minimal considering what was going on inside his body. 

He didn't sleep a lot during the night, but he spent many hours just "hanging out with Jesus." He conversed with Him. Sang with Him. And just chilled in His presence. He explained it as being almost out of body - his body was low and failing but his spirit was flying. This was a blessing for me to witness. I also saw his body failing rapidly day-by-day but I was so relieved by his peaceful demeanour. And I will be forever grateful for the minimal physical suffering he experienced. 

Albert believed beyond a shadow of doubt that God was able to heal him. Yet even in his declarations of faith and prayers of hope, he graciously accepted that that God ultimately had the final decision and he was okay with whatever the outcome. 

Wrapped in love

My faith was a little shallower. Or perhaps it was just God giving me the full time we had left to prepare myself for what was coming. But from the very first diagnosis I clearly felt Albert would not see 2019 this side of heaven. I really hate being wrong, but this is one time I prayed desperately that I was. 

But it was not to be. 

Forty three days after the bomb was dropped, my world imploded. 

And I don't have a lot more to say about the final 33 days of the year 2018. For sure, they have been filled with blessing and love from those who surround me, and for that I am very very grateful. 

But mostly they feel surreal. I am still just waiting for my beloved to get home from nightshift...

So, I wish for you a Happy New Year. 

But for me, it will take some time before "pleasure and contentment" once again become a reality. In the meantime I shall try to embrace gratitude. Gratitude for what was. Gratitude for what is.