Friday, January 30, 2009

Specifically chosen random facts.

Since the invention of email we have all received dozens of those personal surveys that want to know what you had for breakfast and how many times a week you change your underwear. Occasionally I fill them out. I do this mostly so I can exercise my sarcastic nature but sometimes purely to avoid doing other meaningful tasks that are nagging at me.

Currently there is a similar type thing circulating on Facebook. Except you don't get prompts. You just post a note with 25 random facts about yourself. Being the exhibitionist that I am, I'm thinking I might participate in this. I think I'll tell them:

1. I chew gum every day. My teeth are sensitive to sounds (yes, sounds) and chewing gum seems to help this. In almost addictive fashion, I panic if I am out of gum. This rarely happens cuz I keep a pack in my purse, in my car, in my work bag, in my sock drawer, in my cubby at work, in my coat pocket. I never swallow. I am so adept at chewing gum I can put a piece in my mouth and eat an entire meal and still have the gum in my mouth. It's true.

2. I recently realized I am not afraid of dying. When you are handed a cancer confirmation, you tend to think about those sorts of things. I considered death and I felt no fear. None. And I don't think it was just dumb-ass denial neither. But suffering - now that scares the crap outta me. Don't let me suffer, just take me out when it's time to go.

3. I was walking home from school one day in grade five, in Fernie, and a girl from another school, whom I estimated to be a year or two older than me, walked up to me and asked me what school I went to and what grade I was in. I think she probably just wanted to know if I knew somebody or something. But for some reason fear overwhelmed me and I just smashed her over the head with my lunch box and ran. I feel bad about that to this day.

4. I still have Mr Perrin's stapler in my desk drawer. I stole it in 1980.

5. When driving up to a traffic light that has been green for a long time there is always that nano-second where you are unsure if you would stop or go should the light change colour. When I pass that threshold and the light is still green I almost always think, "Thank you Jesus." I know, I know. How can I be so thankful for green lights when I take almost everything else in my life for granted. Some things defy logic.

6. I want to write a book. I want it to be funny yet meaningful. I want to design the cover myself. I have numerous book titles bouncing around in my head, one is Shoes for Goalposts. I'll let you know when it goes to press.

7. "Good enough" could easily be my life's motto. No one could ever accuse me of being a perfectionist.

8. Italy and Ireland will be my destinations if I become a world traveler some day. Mexico, Hawaii and Dom Rep just don't hold a lot of appeal for me.

9. I like rain. I hate snow.

10. My last skiing trip was to Smithers in the early 90's. It was so foggy at the top of the hill I took my skis off and walked 1/2 way down. When I put them back on I realized only one was waxed properly and the other stuck like velcro to the snow. I skied on one foot back to the lodge to trade them in for new skis. And that was the end of my skiing career.

11. I am not a girly girl. But I do like to drink my coffee from a pretty cup - nicely shaped and made of china. I hate chunky mugs. And I drink my coffee black; I have since I was 10 years old.

Twenty five is a lot of random facts. I'm not even half way there. This will take me two days to finish, I'm sure.
12. If you were to randomly plunk two keys that are within 6 or 8 inches of each other on a piano I could not tell you which one sounds higher or lower than the other.

13. Sometimes when I look at words I will try to sound them out backwards. I do this especially with hockey player's names on the back of their jerseys.

14. I find forensic pathology fascinating. How intriguing it would be to examine a decomposing body to determine the facts surrounding it. I watched an autopsy on tv a few months ago. I loved it. However, if they show surgery on a living body I have to close my eyes.

15. I had coffee with Andy Park last fall.

16. I once played a Meatloaf record backwards. We were absolutely convinced we could hear him chanting "Satan. Satan. Satan." Have you seen Meatloaf lately? He's a geeky fat old man who looks like he's faking his role as a rock star. And he has short hair. I still like his singing though.

17. I have never operated a lawn mower. Never. Not once.

18. Foods I love: cheese, nachos, lasagne, fettuccine alfredo, pizza - all of which contain cheese. I am addicted to cheese. There are times I feel I should stand in front of a buffet and say, "Hello, my name is Liana. I am addicted to cheese." Foods I don't love: green peppers, sun dried tomatoes, mustard and that's about it. I eat just about everything ... that's fairly evident.

19. My grandparents didn't come to visit us often when I was a child. But I do remember them being at our house in the summer of 1979. My mother, grandma, me and a friend (whom shall remain nameless, however when she reads this will quite likely recognize herself) went to the mall one day. We made arrangements to meet back at a certain time and location. I cannot begin to imagine the humiliation my mother felt as she was paged, while in the company of her step mother, to retrieve two young girls who had just been busted for shoplifting in Woolco. I do remember overhearing my grandmother say to mom, "It's not a big deal. It's like smoking pot - they all try it once." (Yes, this is the same step-grandma that I still know and love.) However I was extremely offended by her comment. I may not be above stealing a bottle of nail polish while carrying $40 in my wallet, but that does not mean I will smoke pot. Hmmmpft! Three months later I smoked pot. I didn't like it. I was certain I never would. But I tried a few more times just to be sure. I was sure.

20. As a child I was an avid reader. Today I rarely read anything that isn't digital. I haven't read a piece of fiction in years. I started two books in October: Heaven, by Randy Alcorn and The Intelligent Patient Guide to Breast Cancer (It's a more politically correct way to say Breast Cancer for Dummies.) Both books are fascinating. I finished neither.

21. If I were starting my adult life over and had to chose a career I think I would become a photographer. I currently own a simple point and shoot digital Canon PowerShot. It does ok. Beyond that, I can fake what I need to with Photoshop.

22. Sentimental I am not. I do not keep stuff for the sake of keeping stuff. I actually shocked myself when I opened the Rubbermaid container marked "Baby." In there I found a sweater set, a quilt, a shawl and a toy that had all belonged to Ken as a baby. I cleaned these up for Baby X, my first grandchild who is due make an entrance in about 3 weeks. I'm shocked that I kept that much.

23. I sucked my thumb at night until I was 12. Okay I say twelve because it's too embarrassing to admit it was probably more like 16.

24. Some concerts I would pay to see: Leonard Cohen, Enya, Bob Seger, Dr Hook, Robin Mark, Third Day, Broken Joe, Cheap Trick. Some concerts I have paid to see: Willie Nelson, Blue Rodeo, Rankin Family, Burton Cummings. Some concerts you couldn't pay me to see: Metallica, Heather Clark, Darlene Zchech, Michael Jackson.

25. In grade eight, about a year before I started dating, I told my math teacher, who had high hopes of me going on to be a scholar, that I would quit school after grade 10 and marry Albert Ziemer. And I did.


jean said...

Number 1 and 2 I can relate to..number 19 I don't remember grandma being there and...POT...shame on you, but good on you for not lovin' it!

jean said...

and, oh ya..number to a T

b said...

Definitely one of my favorite blog posts:) Honest,funny, serious..just like your book will be. xo

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