September depresses me.

I try hard to love September. After all it's the month when all the leaves turn vibrant colours, kids go back to school, fruit and vegetables are cheap...

But it means winter is looming. And, I prefer green over yellow, my kids are all gone from home and all those fruits and vegetables bring with them fruit flies. Those annoying little pests don't bite and they don't buzz but you move a piece of fruit or the damp dish cloth and they burst into flight scaring the crap out of you anyway.

And how disgusting is it when you go to sip your drink and six of the drunk little buggers are floating on your wine. I knew Google would have a solution for getting rid of them.

(As a little side note, I am wondering how we lived without Google and the internet. 15 years ago, if you wanted to know how to dispose of fruit flies you had to pay $29.95 PLUS shipping and handling and order the book of 1001 Useful Household Tips from Reader's Digest and wait for 6-8 weeks for delivery. By then winter had set in and fruit flies were no longer an issue, and you'd lose the book by the following summer.)

Anyway, Google did have solutions. You can cut the top off a pop bottle and turn it upside down like a funnel and duct tape it inside the bottom half of the bottle, add fruit juice and it will attract them inside and they can't fly up to get back out.

Or you can stink up your kitchen with a bowl of cider vinegar to which you gently add a tiny drop of dish soap to break the surface tension on the vinegar which will pull the flies in and drown them. Or something like that.

Another suggestion was to put an over-ripe banana on a pan in the open oven over night and sneak in and quietly close the oven in the morning and turn it on. Seriously, I found this solution I'm not making this stuff up.

But the simplest one yet: Leave about an inch of wine in the bottom of an open wine bottle and they will fly in and can't fly back out. Now why, when I know how attracted to wine they are, would I have not thought of that? Probably because the thought of wasting an inch of wine goes completely against my nature. But I hate fruit flies and I'm willing to try.

Now, the only way I can think to get an inch of wine into a bottle is drink it down from full. Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

And sho, i'm doing dish experimetn to shee how many off dose buugers i can get. and frankly if i dont get nun woh cares.