Random Coincidence? Or Evil Mind Control?

O.M.G. Facebook is freaking me out!

There's been lots of discussion the past few years about FB and our TVs and phones 'listening' to our daily lives and incorporating it into the algorithms of advertising (or using the info as fodder for the powers-that-be to take over the world - depending on your conspiracy theory point of view)

And I admit I've had some questionable coincidences to support the listening in theory. But are they able to 'thought control'? 
Now, I've often made it known that my mind never stops, so many many thoughts of vastly varying subject matter are always floating just beneath the surface of my consciousness. So it's reasonable to understand that when a subject matter comes up, I can often truthfully say, "I was just thinking about that." 
However, today's thoughts were just a bit too randomly weird. 
I awoke at 6:30am. My very first waking thoughts were about my Facebook 'username'. I'm not sure how it works for newer FB members but way back in the day - a decade ago to be exact, you had to choose a 'username' if you wanted a short web address to your facebook account instead of a string of about a thousand letters, numbers and symbols. I chose facebook.com/elzee 
My waking thought was wondering if I even tried to get facebook.com/liana or if I went straight for elzee. /liana belongs to Liana Tipperman from Maryland and it appears she joined in 2012 so I have to think it was available for the taking in 2009. Anyway, I digress... 
My very first thoughts this morning were about choosing my fb username. I got out of bed, made my coffee and plunked down at the computer and opened facebook, sort of on autopilot for surely fb is in the process of taking over the world and is already controlling my mind.  
Normally, my first course of action when opening fb would be to go through any Messenger new messages first, then scan through my notifications to see what gravely important posts are requiring my attention and then I will scroll down my newsfeed to see how the world is faring this morning.  
But today I opened facebook and clicked my Memories link first, which is odd enough, but then this is what pops up:

Screen shot of my FB Memories this morning

I Think I Might Have Almost Died on Friday.

I am not easily bored. My mind is always abuzz with activity even though my body hardly ever is.

Sometimes, I'll just randomly wonder how close I am to the nearest grizzly bear at a given moment. I've occasionally wondered at what point in my life have I come nearest to dying. Or what's the nearest I have unknowingly been to a cougar. (Yeah, go ahead and make your smart-ass comments, but I'm trying to make a serious post here.)

There is so much going on in the world around us that we are completely oblivious to. I also believe we are mostly clueless as to how much is really going on in the spiritual realm as well.

While I firmly believe there is an active spirit world, I am not one to seek to find a spiritual meaning for every physical thing that happens here on earth. But I had an odd thing on Friday.

I was driving alone along Highway 5 from Kamloops, through Valemount and on to Edmonton, listening to the audio version of Girl, Stop Apologizing, which is the sequel to Girl, Wash Your Face.  Both of which I recommend.

Somewhere in the valley between Blue River and Valemount I came to the end of the book so I started to fiddle with the infotainment screen to find a playlist of music. As I am driving along with the cruise set at 118km/h and scrolling through my playlists, my eye briefly catches, off to the right, lower in the valley, there is a little dust devil swirling up from a bit of gravel/dirt area I can see between the trees. I'm not sure if it was a gravel pit or a gravel road - I couldn't see much of it and really wasn't thinking much about it at the time.

The swirl of dust came swirling up and didn't just sort of dissipate leaving dust in the air like they normally do, it was swirling and then it just disappeared completely in an instant.

I didn't pay too much attention to it as I was focussed on finding my play list... er, I mean I was completely concentrating on driving. But my mind clearly heard, "The Angel of Death has been fought back."  Which was a completely random and bizarre thought and not the sort of think I would normally think. But again, I didn't overanalyze it, I had other things on my mind.

I selected playlist "37" which is 37 various songs by 10 or so various artists, and carried on my merry way. (There's a story behind the play list, but I'll save that for another day.)

I listened to the first two songs which were by Mumford & Sons and decided I wanted to shuffle the album so I didn't hear songs by the same artist all in a row. Francesca, my car, is still relatively new to me so I can't mindlessly operate all the functions yet. So I looked down to find the 'random' button to adjust the song order.

When I looked up I was basically on the yellow line. And the semi truck headed south was about as close to the yellow line as I was. I'm pretty sure he scraped the bugs off my mirror. It freaked me out a bit and I'm sure the driver behind me damn near had a heart attack.

Anyway, I arrived safe and sound in Valemount a while later happy to discover there is a Tim Horton's there now.

It wasn't until I was laying awake at 4am in my hotel in Edmonton that I wondered, "Is the 'Angel of Death' even a thing? Does he live in dust devils? Did he want me to encounter a semi?"

While driving in that 5-minute timespan, I didn't correlate the semi and the dust devil at the time, but my buzzing mind can't help but ponder what really took place. But I think I might have almost died on Friday.

Six months later. Dear Albert...

9pm. I climbed into bed a after getting our grand girlies in to bed. I glanced at the clock to double check the time to see if it was a good time to call you and tell you about my day.

Oh yeah I guess I can’t call you.

Those flashes of lapse of mind are still regular, though I do it acknowledge, not so frequent.

It’s been six months today  since you left me. While  I have generally felt like I’ve been floundering through my days, if I honestly examine where I was and where I am, I could admit that I am learning to wear my big girl panties most days.

I’ve had to make many solo decisions regarding our home, my finances, my future and even my daily attitude. I think you’d be on board with all of it. Except maybe those last two pair of flip-flops. I know I didn’t need them. But today, six months since you left me, is my first pension payday. I am officially on a fixed income and I vow to stay within budget. I am saving a considerable amount on the wine budget. So there’s that.

Among my big girl decisions, I have decided to take the long way home from Kamloops a few days early with a detour to Edmonton. Oh babe, my broken heart is just crushed for Greg. And my greatest wish is that I can impart even a shred of your wisdom and love of  Jesus as we lay his beloved April to rest. I know you greeted her in heaven with enthusiasm equal to that of the angels.

I think I was drawn to her as my closest friend in high school around the same time I was drawn to you for similar reasons. You both have always stayed strong in your convictions knowing what you want and what you were willing to accept. And screw those who didn’t like it.

Neither of you were easily Influenced by the world around you if that world was not offering something you were comfortable with. Both were strong personalities, who were also capable of being meek and gentle. Both were leaders without wanting, or possibly even realizing, the power of it.

Alas, I have managed to reach six months without your physical presence, but truly your 38 years of leadership will forever be imbedded in my psyche. And for that I am forever grateful.

Closed for the Season

This season is closed.

I'm sure eventually I will have a blog post that doesn't start with the opening line "Today was a hard day..."

It's been about 11 years since we first set foot on the property at Vivian Lake while in search for a location for Ken and Jade's fantastical medieval wedding. And I knew from the first greeting we received from Arlene and Brian that this was a place we could call "home."

To be sure, it was nothing fancy. But I am not fancy folk. But it was a place of beauty and quiet and calm and respite. And we have taken advantage of it with grateful hearts ever since.

However, the property was purchased from Arlene three years ago and the current owners have decided to discontinue public use of their property. They are completely entitled to this decision and I hold no ill will toward them. (We had every opportunity to purchase the property had we wanted to be the ones to call the shots.)

So today was moving day.

It's amazing  how much stuff one can accumulate in a small 20x20 cabin over time. But more than 'stuff' I have accumulated memories. Many many incredible memories.

Packing up, I managed to reduce the 'stuff'  I hauled home to 4 chairs, 2 Rubbermaid containers of odds 'n sods and a yard train made of logs with a chainsaw.

But the memories are immeasurable.

I am so grateful for the help and support I received today in cleaning everything up and hauling stuff away. If you were a part of this, you know who you are, and please accept my love and gratitude. And I must acknowledge that Arlene, the original owner, came out for a while. What a huge blessing that was and shows you just why we fell in love with her and the property in the first place.

I stayed at the cabin for a while after everyone else left today to "just be," take some photos and empty the piss-pail one last time. And yeah, I cried. Sobbed even.

It was hard to drive away for the final time.

I took one last photo as I stopped to close the gate behind me.  "Closed for the Season" were the words on the sign at the gate. My heart and mind registered the words as "This Season is Closed."

And truly I believe this is so.

I have faced many changes and challenges in this past five and a half months since saying goodbye to my Albert, my partner, my caregiver, my sustenance, my all. I have taken many steps in moving forward in my new reality. But I will never "move on." For surely everything I ever do will be rooted in the life we shared since I was 15 years old. But by the grace of God I can move forward.

For now it is my intention to keep the house and enjoy the huge blessing of being in a position where my husband continues to take care of me, even in his death.

In the past couple of weeks I have sold the sideXside and the hot tub, and my gracious and generous son Ken has helped to clean out and organize the shop and my garage.  I am trying not to make too many rash decisions, especially in this first year of grief, but I believe it has been a good and healthy purge of stuff.

And so, coinciding with the coming of spring - a melting of snow to uncover new growth and fresh life, I move forward and view the "This Season is Closed" sign in my rearview mirror.  And hope to God my internal GPS steers me in the direction I need to go.

Make the most of your days folks...

Oh, I don't even know where to begin. 

Today was a day unlike any other. 

May 4 is my Mama's birthday. So in and of itself it is always a day with emotional impact for me. I miss her and I acknowledge and thank God for her incredible influence on my life. 

But May 4, 2019 was a day that hit me like a tonne of bricks wrapped in a hug. Or is that a hug wrapped in a shitload of bricks.

My lease is up and I have to be out of the cabin at Vivian Lake by the May Long. 

I chose today as my first day back to assess things, get the papers from the trailer so it can be insured before removal after 6 years, and spend some time just being.  Next Saturday I will bring a crew and actually do the final clean up and move.

Turns out most of the regular seasonal people were also there today cleaning up and saying goodbye to this lake front property we have been blessed with this past decade or so. I was grateful to connect with them briefly and exchange hugs one last time. 

But I also felt slightly guilty as I sat at my fire pit drinking wine and just soaking, while the rest of the folk scurried about cleaning up their sites. I plan for next weekend to be my time of scurrying. Today was a day of reflection for me. 

Oh my goodness, I am so grateful. Grateful that we had 7 amazing years in this cabin. Well, really 10 summers since Ken and Jade's most incredible wedding introduced us to this place. 

Sometimes one can't help but think "if only I knew." 

If only I knew that 2018 was my last year with my Albert. My last year with our cabin. My last.....  

If only... 

But usually it's good that we don't pre-know these things. So our memories consist of real moments and real joys and real life instead of contrived things we might be inclined to make up just to make the most of the time we have.  

The real lesson here is to make the most of the time you have because ... because...because. 

No words. Just because. Make the most of your moments folks. Make the most of your moments. 

I'm sure I had more to say but this post just winded down on me. Just make the most of your days my friends, make the most of your days. 

Picked up my Vanderhoof dinner jacket from the cabin today. It smells like campfire smoke.  It looks like redneck. And it's cozy and warm and feels like memories wrapped in a hug.  I may never wash it. 

I cannot even describe this.
I arrived at the cabin for the first time since Albert's death and our flag was flying at half-mast.  Seriously. I cannot even remotely explain it. This has never happened in all the years we have occupied this site and maintained this flagpole. 

Hot dogs!  It's been 7 months or so since I had a hot dog, but it seems to fit the bill today. Soooo yummy. 

 

Finally! For the first time. After all these years I have gotten the grass to grow around the campfire.  An accomplishment to be grateful for none-the-less. 

So amazing to have the loons come in close to acknowledge me and say goodbye.  They don't usually show up until closer to the end of May. 

This. 

I'll miss that little clump of trees affectionately known as the Kardashians (because they don't really do anything but somehow always end up in our photos) I will pack the "train track" home and assemble the train in my front flower garden. 

So rustic. So comfy. So home.  I crawled into our bed and had a wee cry, a wee nap and a wee  goodbye this afternoon. 

Oh Vivian.  Oh my heart. 

What is this Image

What is this image?

If you said a scribbly mess that perhaps one of my grandchildren did, you'd be wrong. That right there is me gone back to school. And I'm pretty darn excited about it.

I've always loved learning... if, and only if, it's something I want to learn. Like art classes or meteorology or forensics.

Ok, I haven't actually taken a meteorology class with the exception of a short unit in a Gr 11 geography course.

And I've never taken anything remotely in the forensics field, but I did find Forensic Files a fascinating show on TV a couple of decades ago. Oddly enough I find it fascinating to examine bugs and rot on a long dead body. However, if they show a surgery scene on TV I have to close my eyes. Go figure.

On the other hand, if it's something I'm not interested in learning I don't really have a lot of stick-with-it power.  I recently came across my Gr 10 math report card. I loved my math teacher and somehow managed to get into his classes in all my high school years. But math wasn't something I was particularly interested in. And in one term (half a semester) I had 17 absences in the 52-day term. Art in the same term 3/52 absences. Something didn't add up. :)  I did manage to pull off a B+ in both classes so I guess Mama figured there was no need to call me to task on the numbers.

Oh my goodness, I had no intention of talking about any of this stuff when I sat down to blog. Sometimes the words just run away from me.

But yeah, I've signed up for a 20-session online course on Adobe Illustrator.

It started out with me committing to The 100-Day-Project and determining to do something, anything, for a minimum of 10 minutes a day toward my goal of publishing a kid's book.

I've written and rewritten the story and edited and re-edited it a number of times. I've done some research on publishers and self-publishing, illustrations, design layout, digital format and other such intriguing topics.

Some days I have spent an hour or so just doodling before I throw down my pencil and say, "I think I'll just hire an illustrator."

While I have dreamed for many years of seeing my name on the cover of a book one day, I never imagined it would be a kid's book. People have occasionally suggested it, and honestly, I kinda thought "throwing out a kid's book" would sort of be cheating. A quick way to throw my name on a cover without having a lot of substance to the content.

Guess I didn't really think that one through.

There is so much more involved in producing a picture book. You are writing for children while marketing to adults. And there are so many more details; the layout, the design. How many words on a page, how many pages in the book, what illustrations would best enhance this page et cetera et cetera.

Most authors have someone else illustrate for them. But I know I CAN draw. And I am semi-proficient with photoshop. And I am a watercolour artist. So really it doesn't make sense for me to pay an illustrator anywhere from $1200 to $15,000 to illustrate a 28-page book for me.

But gosh-darn my vision is beyond the pencil drawings and the doodles that were transpiring on my reams of paper that are beginning to pile up on my desk.

Enter the world of Adobe Illustrator.

This is a program that, while running in conjunction with Photoshop, is a completely different entity. One that I have vaguely dreamed of mastering for about 10 years.    

And so, yesterday, while weighing the options and costs, and without being aided by the consumption of wine, I decided to jump right in with both feet.

I'm sure I'll keep you updated as to the progress. And, if my book hits the stands with credits to an unknown illustrator from India or Japan and I've started a GoFundMe page to finance them, well then you know my Adobe Illustrator attendance rate has probably been comparable to my Math10 data.

100 Day Project

When I started the Writing and New Media programme at the college almost 17 years ago, one of the instructors made us go around the room and introduce ourselves and say why we were there.

"My name is Liana and I want to write a book.  I have no idea what the subject matter will be, I just wanna see my name on a cover one day." 

I practically looked around behind me to see who was saying the words that were falling out of my mouth. I had no idea where they came from. I had never consciously considered writing a book before that moment. I signed up for the programme because I simply wanted to go to school. 

I had poured over the college calendar to find something that piqued my interest, and I liked what the Writ Programme offered. But it was mostly the graphic design aspects of the course that nudged me to sign up. 

However, from that first day of class forward I have continued to say, "I'm gonna write a book one day." And truth be told I have started many versions of it and have just never followed through with any of them. 

Over the years I've had a number of people suggest I write a kid's book. My response was always, "No. I'm far too sarcastic and foul mouthed for that." 

However...  

At Christmas time this year I wrote a story to share with my grandkids that was inspired by Papa. And I determined in my heart that 2019 is the year I will see my name on a cover.  

I did some more serious investigation and googling in January to educate myself on the process of writing a kid's book and getting it published. Then Maui distracted me. 

Then I returned from Maui and I kept bumping into references, blogs and posts that mentioned "The 100 Day Project." You can google the details if you want more info, but basically it's a movement to encourage people to commit to create, if even for 5 minutes, each day for 100 days.  

Commit to spending at least 5 minutes a day for 100 days working on a creative project.
And part of my creativity for the day included painting this little sketch to include with the blog. 

With my past successes at sticking to my prompt-a-day to make a piece of art each day in February I thought this project might be just what I need to keep me focussed and determined to get my name on a cover.  

I registered. I joined the Facebook group. I'm all in. 

And so, from April until early July, I am committing to do something, anything, each day toward my goal. And I'm putting it here in writing so you, my adoring public, can help to hold me accountable. 

Today's entry in my 100-day journal will include: Doing a bit of editing on my original story and watching a tutorial on writing a successful kid's book. My takeaway from the tutorial is this quote: 

And with that, I may have to go back and rework some of the story tomorrow.