Six months later. Dear Albert...

9pm. I climbed into bed a after getting our grand girlies in to bed. I glanced at the clock to double check the time to see if it was a good time to call you and tell you about my day.

Oh yeah I guess I can’t call you.

Those flashes of lapse of mind are still regular, though I do it acknowledge, not so frequent.

It’s been six months today  since you left me. While  I have generally felt like I’ve been floundering through my days, if I honestly examine where I was and where I am, I could admit that I am learning to wear my big girl panties most days.

I’ve had to make many solo decisions regarding our home, my finances, my future and even my daily attitude. I think you’d be on board with all of it. Except maybe those last two pair of flip-flops. I know I didn’t need them. But today, six months since you left me, is my first pension payday. I am officially on a fixed income and I vow to stay within budget. I am saving a considerable amount on the wine budget. So there’s that.

Among my big girl decisions, I have decided to take the long way home from Kamloops a few days early with a detour to Edmonton. Oh babe, my broken heart is just crushed for Greg. And my greatest wish is that I can impart even a shred of your wisdom and love of  Jesus as we lay his beloved April to rest. I know you greeted her in heaven with enthusiasm equal to that of the angels.

I think I was drawn to her as my closest friend in high school around the same time I was drawn to you for similar reasons. You both have always stayed strong in your convictions knowing what you want and what you were willing to accept. And screw those who didn’t like it.

Neither of you were easily Influenced by the world around you if that world was not offering something you were comfortable with. Both were strong personalities, who were also capable of being meek and gentle. Both were leaders without wanting, or possibly even realizing, the power of it.

Alas, I have managed to reach six months without your physical presence, but truly your 38 years of leadership will forever be imbedded in my psyche. And for that I am forever grateful.