Oh yeah I guess I can’t call you.
Those flashes of lapse of mind are still regular, though I do it acknowledge, not so frequent.
It’s been six months today since you left me. While I have generally felt like I’ve been floundering through my days, if I honestly examine where I was and where I am, I could admit that I am learning to wear my big girl panties most days.
I’ve had to make many solo decisions regarding our home, my finances, my future and even my daily attitude. I think you’d be on board with all of it. Except maybe those last two pair of flip-flops. I know I didn’t need them. But today, six months since you left me, is my first pension payday. I am officially on a fixed income and I vow to stay within budget. I am saving a considerable amount on the wine budget. So there’s that.
Among my big girl decisions, I have decided to take the long way home from Kamloops a few days early with a detour to Edmonton. Oh babe, my broken heart is just crushed for Greg. And my greatest wish is that I can impart even a shred of your wisdom and love of Jesus as we lay his beloved April to rest. I know you greeted her in heaven with enthusiasm equal to that of the angels.
I think I was drawn to her as my closest friend in high school around the same time I was drawn to you for similar reasons. You both have always stayed strong in your convictions knowing what you want and what you were willing to accept. And screw those who didn’t like it.
Neither of you were easily Influenced by the world around you if that world was not offering something you were comfortable with. Both were strong personalities, who were also capable of being meek and gentle. Both were leaders without wanting, or possibly even realizing, the power of it.
Alas, I have managed to reach six months without your physical presence, but truly your 38 years of leadership will forever be imbedded in my psyche. And for that I am forever grateful.
3 comments:
Wow this has gotta be tough. He truly loved you and you two were one of the few couples I admired in regards to a loving relationship.I can not imagine being with someone who loved you so greatly must feel. Than, if even for awhile to be without that person might crush my heart. Hang in thete sista...i am fully persuaded we will all be together real soon...ONE Day
Honestly I don't know how you do it, but you are doing well. Albert would be so proud of you as he always was. Thanks for sharing. Everyone's grief is unique to them but it gives us such an empathy and understanding for others in that kind of exquisite pain. I am sure you will bring comfort to Greg, so glad you are going. April was simply a great package of huge fun, impeccable style, and overflowing hospitality that grew from her ever loving heart! She is so missed.
Oh my, how I love thee ������
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