2020 Therapeutic Grounding

Historically, I blog on New Year's Eve about the comings and goings of my life during the previous year. I abandoned my annual ritual last year, knowing that I was moving into a new phase in life and looking forward to a New Beginning. 

However, then came 2020...

It kinda turned out to be a blog-worthy year. Even people who don't normally do such things are debriefing and trying to make sense of it. And many people who do are dropping f-bombs and using phrases like "the year from hell" and "worst year in modern history." 

And to be sure, it was a year that rocked everyone's comfy lives to the core. And even those who didn't have comfy lives to begin with were shaken up. Perhaps even more so. 

But I'm sitting over here in my little corner evaluating 2020, and be like ... hmm... I kinda feel bad about not feeling sh!tty about this bizarre year. 

One of the reasons I do this annual ritual of recounting the events of my past year is to take stock of my life and help me count my blessings. And I often go back, even years later, and reread my New Year's Eve blogs to remind myself how blessed I am. I find it therapeutic. And grounding. 

So here's my attempt at therapeutic grounding for 2020:

January started off quiet enough. JimE and I had been 'seeing each other' for about a month. We'd been hanging out, with our respective spouses, for about 30 years. And over the past year and a bit been hanging together as best friends working through our common double grief after losing both Barbee and Albert. But things unexpectedly had taken a more intimate turn in December. 

Neither of us entered into this relationship with a casual "let's just have fun and see where it takes us" attitude. We knew if we pursued a relationship it would be with the guidance of Jesus and a goal of making it work for the long haul. And we both felt it was a good and right thing to pursue. 

Breaking the news to our kids, family and friends was another thing altogether. We felt like Jed would be a shoe-in. (That's an odd phrase. I know what it means but not sure how it came to be a phrase - maybe I'll Google it someday.) But we were unsure how any of the rest would take it. It had only been about 14 months since losing Albert. Everyone was still grieving his loss - JimE and I included. 

I wanted to have a chat with Brandi first. 

Jim and Sherry attended a conference in Vancouver in January and they dropped Jed and I off in Kamloops for the weekend on their way. I wanted to have the convo with her. The opportunity never arose.  But it was a fun trip and we felt like sneaky teenagers - holding hands on the sly so Sherry and Jed didn't notice. Or maybe secretly hoping we'd get caught. 

February brought more rumblings worldwide about the Corona virus and fears were mounting, but for the most part we felt oblivious and unaffected.  However, I did order a 50-pack of black disposable masks from Amazon thinking I may need them in the airport in March for my planned trip to Maui. Masks were so back-ordered they never arrived. 

JimE and I began house hunting. 

In September, as part of my 'moving forward' I knew I would be selling my house and getting something new. I had chosen a unit in Ridgewood Landing in University Heights and put my name on it, but it was in phase 5 of the development and wasn't yet available for purchase and building. It was a two bedroom townhouse end unit with a single garage.  While Jim was willing to adapt to this if I had my heart set on it, it wasn't ideal for the two of us. 

We weren't officially engaged - heck, still no one knew we were in a relationship. But we began looking at houses, both online and going to open houses. We drove around neighbourhoods checking out homes and empty lots. We bought extra tickets on the Spruce Kings fabulous lottery house. 

It was actually really fun to have these quiet secret times together and I believe it really helped us to set a good foundation for our relationship without pressures or expectations from others knowing what we were up to. 

We did a lot of snowshoeing and skating in January and February. Maeve and I had gotten new skates and she often accompanied us on our skate dates. I took her skating one day, just her and I. She asked where Jim was. "Oh, do you like it when he comes skating with us?" I asked, hoping for a positive response and unsure how my heart would take a negative one. "Oh, I just expect to see him. I've gotten used to him being around," her response.  Yeah, me too Maeve, me too. And hoping everyone else feels the same. 

We did lots of walks hand-in-hand in the neighbourhood. Again, feeling like sneaky teenagers wondering when someone was gonna drive by and 'out us'. 

I had a trip to Maui planned for March 6th with Brandi, Kore, the girls and I meeting Jennifer & Andy there. Jen and Andy were both celebrating milestone birthdays this year. Gaylene and Tyler's family were also going to celebrate G's milestone birthday.  And of course Sherry and Dwayne already live there. It was gonna be a big party week, but still I was hopeful that B and I would get some quiet time together to have 'the conversation'. It didn't happen.  

And Covid came to Canada while we were there and we got the last flight out of Maui before flights started being cancelled. 

I arrived home amid the toilet paper crisis. And was required to quarantine for 14 days. 

Jed had been staying at Jim's as it was spring break and Devin (his home share provider) was also away. Anyway, long story short, because Jed and Jim were hanging with me in my quarantine, we decided to keep Jed at Jims' for the full two weeks time, even though Devin had returned. And then with much of the world going into full lockdown, I felt it best for Jed to come stay at my house for a few weeks until we saw where all this was going.

By April life was starting to settle into the 'new normal' and Jed went back home. But with the Dome, the mall and many other things that Jed had been involved in being shut down, he still came and hung out with us every.single.day. 

Church had been cancelled and I began attending 'Zoom Church" at the Well with Jim. I really missed taking the kids to Sunday School. And they missed regular school too, having been forced into homeschooling since spring break. 

By mid April I was able to finally have a nice girl-talk phone call with Brandi who was now for the first time a stay-at-home mom with the girls home from school and daycare.  I cannot express enough my gratitude for her response to hearing that Jim and I had taken our relationship to the next level. She was thrilled and supportive. And one by one, as we had the chat with the rest of our children, we were met with the same response: complete joy and excitement for us. We felt so so very blessed as our friends and family all responded so favourable. 

All but one. 

It's entirely possible that some people shook their heads or gossiped, but we never heard or felt any of it. But the only difficult reaction we got was from Jed. The one person we felt was a shoe in. It took him a while to get his head wrapped around the situation. But we thank God that within a few weeks he had completely come to accept it and began to organize our wedding and make all sorts of plans for us. :)  

While we had already been house hunting and planning a wedding for December 12th we didn't 'officially' become engaged until April 23. (Ask me about the necklace sometime. ) And even at this time, there were many people who weren't aware that we were in a relationship. Mom Ziemer included. With all care homes being in full lockdown, we were unable to go see her. And we wanted to tell her in person. 

On April 26 she succumbed to a stroke. And she got to learn the news when she entered the gates of heaven. 

The month of May saw us setting up camp at Bednesti Lake Resort. We feel so blessed to have what we consider to be the very best site on the entire property. What a fantastical view of the lake we have in a private double lot with room for both trailers and space galore. 

By the end of May it was clear there would not be gatherings of more than 50 for a very long time. We decided to marry on August 3 with 50 of our closest family and friends. 

Brandi and the girls came up at the beginning of June for a visit, with the plan for me to keep the girls for a couple of weeks before taking them home. However, I was called in for hernia surgery on the 10th of June, so B stayed for an extended visit and was here when I went into hospital. What a great blessing.  

I had a spigelian hernia, which is apparently rather rare and required absolutely zero lifting for 3 months. Oh yay. So fun to plan an August wedding when you can't do anything.  

We managed to squeeze in a quick trip to see Kyle's family in Chilliwack in June when we picked up a new Ikea kitchen for Jim's house. The hardest part of the COVID situation for us has been not being able to spend as much time with our kids and grandkidlets.  

Since I was unable to lift or do anything, when we returned from Chilliwack I took Jed and headed off to Kamloops for Bea's Kinder-grad, which was essentially a private pool party with her one kindergarten friend in her bubble. 

And with 12 hours notice that I was coming, Brandi managed to pull off a very lovely little bridal shower for me... complete with a visit from Uncle Chris the Clown, whom I had wanted to invite to our wedding.   I laughed way harder than my surgeon recommended less than 3 weeks out of surgery. 

Jim had spent six months renovating Sherry's new townhouse she bought in December, and he moved straight from doing that to preparing his house for sale. He worked so hard but the fruits of his labour paid off and he sold his home, without listing it, for far more than he ever dreamed his little house would fetch. We are so grateful to God for this extra blessing that will go a long way in finishing our new home in Forest Park. We signed for the purchase of lot 25 on July 7th, JimE's 65th birthday. 

While overall, summer 2020 was pretty wet and dismal, August 3rd was a beautiful sunny day. And we could not have asked for a better day to commit ourselves to each other before God and 49 dear ones. No, we didn't get to rent a fancy hall. No, we didn't get our spectacular party for 175 people. No, we didn't get to honeymoon in Maui. 

But what a fabulous time we had at our casual and intimate special wedding day with a New Beginnings theme and a roaring 20's flavour - appropriate since we are back in the 20's again. And we hung at Bednesti, including time with our children, for the week following. We are so blessed. We truly are. 

September saw us officially hiring Jake Eberle Construction to build our new home after choosing a plan by Jenish Homes and having it altered to suit our needs. Well, our wants more than our needs, I suppose. 

And it was about this time we discovered that the large deck on my house was completely rotting due to longterm unnoticed water damage. What a huge labour intensive job for Jim and his co-hort John to tear down and rebuild. An expense I wasn't anticipating as I prepare this house for a spring sale. I'm so grateful for JimE's knowledge and expertise that made this a much less complicated financial burden than it could have been. 

November 2nd they broke ground on our lot and within a week had the basement walls built and poured and backfilled. Things came to a grinding slowdown as they waited for floor trusses and such. The combination of COVID protocols and the incredible boom in construction in this town have slowed production down. But they managed to get the main floor on and tarp things in to get the basement warmed up and poured. Then it had a few weeks to cure with a large heater unit hanging from a chain and hooked to our gas meter that was whirring around fast enough to create a little heat on its own.  It'll be an interesting first Fortis bill I'm sure. 

We planned to 'do the loop' in November to visit the kids in Chilliwack then up to Kamloops to see the kids there and check out Brandi and Kore's new condo at SunPeaks. But Fraser Health went into lock down and we were unable to make that portion of the trip. That was so disappointing. 

But we are grateful we managed to squeeze in those days in Kamloops before the entire province went into lock down. Which ultimately resulted in the cancellation of 'Connolly Christmas' as planned with all my family this year. Another big disappointment and unexpected change of plans. 

Christmas was quietly filled with more blessings including JimE installing a bidet toilet for me. I've always wanted one and the great toilet paper scarcity of the spring convinced me more. 

Not much action happened at the new house in December until the 28th when things began to fly together. What fun to watch the daily progress. And the shingling team is scheduled for January 4th. 

We, like so many others, have no big New Year's Eve plans and will probably consume a charcuterie board and a bottle of wine sometime around 9pm and call it a night. Or rather, call it a year. 

And tomorrow we will pack up the Christmas tree, put Mary and Joseph away and toss out the remains of leftover turkey dinner. And carry on...

Truly, if I chose to, I could have filled this entire blog with disappointments, restrictions, conspiracy theories and fears, for surely 2020 has been filled with them. I won't pretend they didn't happen. I acknowledge them. But I refuse to let them rule me when this year has also been so filled with blessing upon blessing.  

Unlike many, I won't be kicking 2020 in the ass on the way out the door. But I do welcome 2021, hoping I am prepared for what's in store. 

I should be good. I got Jesus and JimE at my side. And I'm prepared for life without toilet paper if necessary. 

 

12-12 2020

Twelve Twelve Twenty Twenty.

Way back in February we picked this day to be our wedding day. 

No one knew we were dating.

No one knew what COVID meant.

I knew we would not be announcing our relationship, much less our intended marriage, for some time yet. I also knew how hard it is to find any sort of available venue in December - especially on a weekend. 

So I began the search.

Many places were booked. 

The Hart Crown Banquet Hall had a tentative Christmas party booked. The next week when she told me the group opted for a different date, I slotted my name in and sent her my $500 deposit. And we began planning our party for 175 people. 

We looked a new homes. We looked at empty lots.

We scoped out all the neighbourhoods that piqued our interest.

Jim introduced me as his girlfriend whenever we chatted with people. Meanwhile our family and friends were oblivious. (Or perhaps suspicious and/or hopeful, but we hadn’t ‘come out.’)

We picked out Lot 25 in the new little Forest Park subdivision and told the developer we'd put pen to paper and commit when I returned from Maui in March.    

It was my intention to have a chat with Brandi while in Maui to let her know the direction my life had taken. Well, yeah. Maui was a whirlwind of people and activity and the convo never happened. 

And COVID came to Canada while I was in Maui.

And you know the rest of the story... 

There'd be no grand engagement party.

There'd be no 12-12-2020 party for 175 people.

By May it was clear that it was going to be a very long time before parties of more than 50 were going to happen. And we weren't willing to wait.

Oh, we could have still held onto 12-12-2020 as our date. But I'm so grateful to Jesus that we opted to have a summer party with just our kids and grandkids and a handful of local friends and family, keeping our numbers to 51. (Always gotta be a bit of a rebel. Ok, actually I forgot about the photographer when we were tallying invitations.) 

Now here we are at "twelve twelve twenty twenty" and had we waited, we'd be having six guests. We have more kids than that. (Our children, grandchildren and spouses number 27.) 

So anyway here's us being grateful once again for the way God's hand has worked things out for us. 

Twelve Twelve Twenty Twenty. Heading out for celebratory dinner in our wedding colours. 

 Turns out that August 3, 2020 was the best day ever. 

August 3 is our anniversary, but 12/12/2020 will always hold a special place as well. 

Learning the attitude of gratitude.

 "He's gone." 

A very short sentence, with life altering impact, that needed no further explanation. 

Without a doubt the three worst phone calls I have ever had to make. On the worst day of my life- November 28, 2018.

It's been two years today since I said goodbye to the man who had been my everything for 38 years and eight days. 

I've done a lot of reminiscing this past week or so. I recall last year fearing the coming of November 28, the first anniversary of losing him, and how it signified to me a moving on of sorts. Well, actually I prefer to think of it as a moving forward. 

And here at the second anniversary, I acknowledge that by the grace of God, I have moved forward. This doesn't mean I forget all that Albert brought to my life. For surely I am blessed beyond measure every.single.day by the things he provided for me. And daily I am grateful. Even on days when missing him actually physically hurts my heart. 

I would have NEVER imagined that I would be remarried two years later. Never imagined who I would be remarried to. Never imagined building a new house. Never imagined, never imagined, never imagined....  

Never imagined. 

I actually have a fantastic imagination.  

And I do tend to imagine stuff. 

I try not to live in fear and imagine the worst 'what ifs."

But I do find myself often imagining "what if ...." And then trying to pre-live a scenario. Not so much to bring fear upon myself, but more in a "prepare myself for anything" situation.  And I truly believe it has saved me on many an occasion to walk through situations with a little more grace and confidence than might be expected. Or than I actually feel. 

Walking through grief is always uncharted territory. And there is no set pattern to follow. No right way to grieve. No wrong way to navigate. No matter how many grief sessions you are required to walk through.  

I have lost a child. Lost my Mom. Lost my Dad. Lost my grandparents. Lost my bestest friend. Lost my in-laws.  Lost my 37-year husband. And at times have felt I've lost my sanity.  

And I still don't know how to accurately walk through this sh!t. 

Truly I want more than anything to be able to post a blog or write a book with a step-by-step guide  on how to navigate loss. 

But there is no such guide. 

The absolute best advice I can give is to daily be grateful. This is ultimately what has sustained me. Being grateful every.single.day. Even on the hardest days, find something to be grateful for.  

As encouraged by St Paul in Thessalonians, in everything give thanks. It doesn't mean being thankful for everything that comes your way. But rather, in every circumstance focus your mind on things you can be grateful for. 

I can't describe it, but finding gratitude in all things has changed my life.

And for that I am grateful.  

This man. I am so grateful for the foundation we had that can launch me forward with the grace of Jesus into the future. 

Living my Real Life.

We all make plans. 

And so we should. 

But do we really have any control? 

Let me start out by saying I have a good life. I really do. And for that I am grateful. 

But is this the life I actually had planned. No, no it is not. 

Forty years ago I was a 15 year old with a boyfriend.  FORTY years ago. It hardly seems real.  For surely I don't feel even 40 years old. 

My boyfriend had a really decent job that he loved. Although, truly he loved days off more. 

He loved nightshift. Hated dayshift. 

In 2017 he started counting down. After every dayshift he would come home and say "112 more dayshifts left." Or "I can do this 98 more times."  Or however many days he had calculated he had left. 

For years we looked forward to October 25, 2020.  The day Albert would turn sixty. The day he would retire from Canfor after 42 years. The day our real lives would start.

I read once "life is what actually happens while you are waiting." It's so true. We are always waiting for something. Waiting for graduation day. Waiting for the baby to be born. Waiting for Christmas. Waiting for the mortgage to be paid off. Waiting for the vacation. Waiting for payday. Waiting to retire. Waiting for the wedding. Waiting for the bus. Waiting for the pandemic to end. 

It seems we are always waiting for something so our real life can begin. 

And life happens while we are waiting. 

We grew together, and separately, into who we were meant to be. And October 25, 2020 never did come for us. 

We married young. Raised three beautiful children, and buried another in infancy. We welcomed and embraced grandchildren who brought more joy and fulfillment than we could have imagined.  Real life stuff. 

I have been living my real life all along. 

Yes today, whatever the date, is your real life. Live it. 

My Keto Bread Saga Continues...

       

The hunt for decent Keto-friendly bread and pasta continues.  

I discovered this bread mix at Save-on the other day.  It cost $9.99 and makes 3 loaves. I have paid upwards of thirteen dollars for a loaf of low-carb bread in the past. And I love the smell of bread baking. So I was pretty stoked with my find. 

I resisted the urge to go all hoarderish and buy all 8 packages they had on the shelf. I bought two.  

    

Just add water, yeast and oil.  Easy peasy. 

It was already beginning to raise by the time I got it into pans. As were my hopes.  I was anxious for it to get into the oven and cook, not only so I could eat it but so I could jump in the car and race off to Save-on and buy whatever they had left on the shelves before I shared my great discovery with the world.  (I promise I did NOT hoard toilet paper, yeast, rice or flour last March.) 

The directions say it makes 3 loaves. I'm sure you could easily get 4. I made 2 large loaves, 4 buns and 9 cinnamon buns.  

Swerve brown sugar replacement is sooo delicious! 

A heavy dose of cinnamon and a handful of chopped pecans.  

I was already planning my afternoon coffee break. 

It took about half an hour to raise to double in size and be ready for the oven. 

Forty minutes in the oven and my house smelled amazing! 

I slapped some butter on a bun as soon as it was cool enough to handle. I was giddy. 

And I sunk my teeth into what I can only describe as cardboard with butter on it.  I was so deflated. 

The cinnamon buns of course taste like sugar and cinnamon, so they get a pass, but I changed my mind on running out to Save-on for more. 

It will probably make a decent grilled cheese sandwich or garlic toast. I won't throw it away. 

The texture is good. There's just no flavour. But I think there is potential to use the mix as a base and concoct  a decent keto bread out of it. I think I'll try adding nuts and seeds and maybe a dash of monk fruit. 

(And for the record, the mix has some wheat protein [gluten] in it, so it's not actually gluten-free for those who have issues with such.) 

Our New Beginnings in a Nutshell

 While many people have found 2020 difficult to deal with, I in fact, am feeling pretty blessed this year. But yeah, it has certainly taken some dramatic twists and turns. And getting married certainly tops the list.  

On August 3rd Jim and I got married mid-COVID season. The fact that we took our 30-year friend relationship in this direction is a complete other story in itself.  But a COVID wedding is legally bound to a guest list of less than 50. (Ok, we snuck in 51 cuz I forgot to count the photographer) But limiting to 50 when our combined family members is somewhere around 250 people was no small task. Just we two and our children and grandchildren number 29. 

We are grateful for a very understanding circle of family and friends who all make us feel loved, blessed and supported. It's overwhelming actually. 

Anyway, for those of you who could not attend that day, I have assembled some video footage and photos so you can share in our joy and get a glimpse of our day.  

It truly was a day filled with joy. So much joy. 

Here is a 14 minute video that includes walking down the aisle and our vow ceremony.

Here is a 13 minute video of speeches by John, Lucy, Jed and Brandi

There was a bit of a sound glitch with the speeches so the audio was dubbed over top. I apologize if you have OCD and the out-of-sync video drives you bonkers. :)  

This is a slideshow of photos from the wedding. The music was recorded durning the ceremony so you can hear some background noise along with it, but I figure that just gives you a little more sense of being there in the moment. 

If you'd rather not watch a video and just want a little synopsis:

In keeping with the COVID regulations, Jim and I got married on Monday August 3, 2020 with a small crowd of 49 guests.  We had our 8 youngest grandchildren participate in the ceremony.  The decor and wedding party attire had a roaring 20's flavour - appropriate since we are back in the 20's again. 

The bride wore a dark red/burgundy dress with black overlay and carried 2 dozen red roses and a feather fan. The groom was in black pants, white tailored shirt and double vest, accessorized with cuff links and a tie.  The boys wore black pants, burgundy button-down shirts with bowties. The little girls wore black flapper style dresses with lots of fringe and headbands with feathers adorning them. 

The guests were all seated at round tables for the entire thing.  The tables had black tablecloths and silver runners and the ever-classy white and silver Mosaik dinnerware.  The table centrepieces were charcuterie boards with lots of yumminess to nibble on during the ceremony, and drinks were available as well.  Each place setting was adorned with party favours representative of the times - a black face mask and a custom labelled bottle of hand sanitizer which was brewed here in Prince George by Trench Brewing. 

While Jim's brother John officially signed the papers (Jed and Molly witnessed the signatures) we didn't have an actual ceremony officiant. At 4:30 the 8 littles walked and danced in to "Deku Palace" - a theme song from The Legend of Zelda (as chosen by Xander and Oliver) bringing in the rings and our vows and scattering feathers and flower petals and just generally looking spectacularly cute.  

Jim and I walked in at the same time, coming from opposite sides of the room, to the Skydigger's song, "Slow Burning Fire" which really represents how our relationship developed.  When we joined together at the front of the room, we finished out the song by slow dancing.  Our glittery vow booklets shimmered in the light from the overhead Edison lights as we interactively read our vows in alternating fashion and exchanged our rings.  

It was such a nice touch for Sherry to have Carter, our oldest grandchild, on FaceTime as he recently moved to Ontario and could not attend.  

The entire ceremony wasn't more than 20 minutes and the crowd was free to continue nibbling, drinking and chatting for about half hour while some of our sons grilled salmon fillets out back. During this time the fabulous Rebekah took photos onsite. Nothing too formal, but a nice collection of memories - just as we wanted.  

Dinner was a giant make-your-own salad bar with grilled salmon, roast beef and ham slices. There were cupcakes and an assortment of cookies for dessert. No cake. No garter toss. No bouquet toss. 

There was music playing throughout the evening and a small dance area. But mostly people just visited and had a good time.  At one point the young grandies hosted a mask decorating contest and chose three adult winners and one child winner. Everyone participated and it was lots of fun. 

Most people were heading out by 8:30pm. Except a handful of amazing folk who stayed behind for cleanup and food removal. 

The day could not have been much more perfect. The weather was good, God was honoured, we were blessed, the day was fun and not too long. We are so so grateful. 

It truly was a day just full of joy. 

Thanks for walking along side us on our journey.  

Tales of Jed and Tyler

I don't remember exactly when I first got the internet. 

Ok, that's a bit of a lie. It was January 1997.  A mere 23 years ago. 

The internet was rather new. My computer was cutting edge with 28k dial-up modem and a 1.2 Gb hard drive, which someone told me I would never fill in my lifetime.  Haha. I think I've created single photoshop files larger than that. 

I created a Geocities profile. It was a rudimentary blogging site. There was no such thing as blogging templates such as Blogger has. I don't think 'blog' was actually even a word yet.  ("Blog" is a word derived from "Web log") 

In order to participate in Geocities, one had to write their own html code. 

I used to stay up all night learning html code until my husband got home from nightshift at 6am. Then I'd send the kids off to school and go to bed myself. 

The whole internet, and connecting to the world, was new and scary. In an effort to protect myself and my children I only referred to myself as Elzee, and Brandi and Ken became "Jessy" and "Doug" when I wrote about them.  

But for some reason that I cannot explain, I used Jed and Tyler's real names. I had actually completely forgotten about the Jessy and Doug thing, so now, 23 years later, I have zero recollection why I chose I to use Jed and Ty's real names, but I suspect I was secretly hoping someone would track them down and steal them. 

Anyway, Jed was about ten when I started exposing them to the world, and it was only a few years before the website became defunct. And every couple of years he asks me to find him a copy of the "Tales of Jed and Tyler." And I brush him off, knowing the website is gone. 

He asked me again yesterday. 

Today I spent a bit of Google time trying to find the archives. And I was successful. 

Although, I do admit, that my writing style kinda sucked in those days prior to my 2002-2004 college career taking the Writing and New Media Technology course. It's a bit embarrassing actually. But, resisting the urge to rewrite everything, I have copied some of the entries here.  

This post is mostly for Jed's reference. If I ever churn out a book of my life I promise there'll be a little more substance to these anecdotes. 

A puppy, even in her sleep

When Jessy was about 12 to 15 months old, she learned a 'cute' little trick from her Uncle Jack. He would scratch his face and make a panting noise. Brandi, in turn would then lift her leg and say PSSSSSSSSTTT!

One day we were travelling in the car and she was sleeping peacefully in her carseat. I was feeling a little bit cold and wanted my husband to put the heater on for a few minutes. I said to him "could you make it just a tiny bit warmer in here?" So he, being the sarcastic character that he is, opened his mouth and exhaled a few deep breaths. Sure enough, without so much as lifting her head or opening her eyes, Jessy lifted her leg and said "PSSSSSSSTT!"

He knows what his memory work means!

It was the day of my brother's wedding. Someone had taken 3 year old Doug from the church to the reception hall for me. Later, when I arrived at the hall I quickly discovered where my son was. As I was walking across the parking lot, I could see him standing at the top of the stairs. As I drew nearer, I realized with horror, what he was doing. He stood there, pants around his ankles, seeing how far down the steps he could 'shoot his pee'. Meanwhile at the top of his lungs he kept repeating "Psalms 6 and 2" "Psalms 6 and 2". That was his current Sunday School memory work. Well I had to get a bible to look up the verse, and appropriately the verse read "OH LORD, HELP ME!"

The $1100 baby

It was payday and we were going to go to the bank, cash the cheque and treat the kids to McDonald's. Jessy and Doug were in the back seat of the car and baby Jed was securely fastened in his carseat in the front. For some reason (I don't remember why, now) we had to stop at my brother-in-law's house. Both my husband and I got out of the car to attend to whatever it was that we were doing. When we returned to the car I noticed Jed had a little piece of paper in his hand. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I wrestled the scrap of paper away from him. It was then I discovered it was the last corner of the paycheque. He had eaten the rest of it!! My husband had a little explaining to do the next day when he went to his boss for a new cheque. The worst part of it for me, was having to go home and make supper, because we then had no money to go to McDonald's! 

An introduction to Jed and Tyler

When Jed was 5 years old, circumstances were such that my 3 year old nephew, Tyler, and his 6 month old sister came to stay with us for four months. Tyler and Jed usually got along very well. Many times I wished they would fight more often because at least if they were fighting their minds were occupied. One on one, both Jed and Tyler could be a bit of a handful but together there are no words to describe their behavior. I don't think they intentionally set out to do bad things, they just had a way of convincing each other that what they were about to do would be a good idea. The following little stories are little things I wrote down during the first three weeks we had Tyler. These are honest to goodness, unembelished true happenings that all took place within a three week period. By the end of the three weeks I quit writing everything down because I just didn't have time for it. Somehow we survived that 4 months and even looked forward to the times Tyler would come back and stay with us again. He stayed with us off and on for 5 years.

The first little incident with Jed and Tyler happened the very first day, the very first time they went outside together. In the basement they had found a can of white spray paint and decided that the garden tools, their rubber boots and the bumpers on the car would all look better in white.

Why I still haven't landscaped the yard

A few days before Ty arrived, I had picked up my perrenial plants, shrubs and trees. We had lived on our 5 acres of unlandscaped property for a few years and I was quite excited to be finally planting some greenery. I had wonderful visions of my blooming lilac bushes, different bulbs and shrubs adding color all season long. The maple trees were going to give shade in the heat and an array of color in the fall. All of these wonders of nature were sitting on the verranda in pots awaiting the day the ground was ready for them. The boys decided they would like to find out just how well my now nice and white shovels would work. When I checked outside I saw that they had finished 'planting' all my plants for me....not at all in the places I had intended them to be. I hadn't intended for them to be in quite so many pieces either! I did manage to salvage 1 lilac bush, so I suppose I can look at it as being not a total loss. And you know to this day, five years later I still have not landscaped my yard. I keep thinking, only about 10 more years and they'll all be gone from home! Then I can move into a nice little finished off house with a nice little finished off yard.

Over the bank!

We have a fairly long driveway that is built up, so it has steep banks on either side leading down to a nice little creek below. Well such a situation as this is just too tempting for little boys. Eveything in sight which can be moved by two little (yet extremely strong) boys went over the bank....that pretty well meant anything weighing less than 3 tons. I'm sure the only reason they never rolled the car over the bank was because they never thought of it. If they had put their minds to it, I'm certain they could have accomplished it. Their bikes were the stupidest thing. They would ride them, get tired of them and throw them over the bank. Of course fifteen minutes later they would scream for help getting their bikes back. Well Mommy soon tired of that little game and the bikes remained over the bank for a couple of days. Then the next time it was a couple of weeks. 

One day I found a jar of canned peaches over the bank, right beside the empty one with a spoon in it! 

Jed was in kindergarten and went to school in the afternoon. One morning after playing outside I called him to get ready for school. I asked him where his blue glasses were, which he had been wearing 1/2 hour before. "Over the bank" was the answer I got. (surprise, surprise) I sent him back out to find them, and of course he couldn't. But he did come up with the silver ones which had been missing!

Spring Yard Cleaning

Then there was spring yard clean up day! We had a fire going to burn some garbage.....silly us to do such a thing before the boys were grown up and gone from home. The first thing we discovered in the flames was Jed's bike.(This was before I decided to leave them over the bank for an extended lenghth of time). Fortunatey the fire was still quite large and they couldn't get too close so not too much damage was done. I yelled at them and warned them of the dangers of fire and all that, but I guess anything short of tying them up probably wouldn't have helped. A while later I found Jessy's great big teddy bear with half his face an entirely different color and shape than it was originally. This time they were made to stay in the house. The next morning I realized that at some point they had gotten back outside. There in the coals were a pair of brand new socks, a pair of skates and Jed's glasses. The skates and glasses were salvageable, the socks were not. I guess we'll never know what else was thrown in and consumed by fire.

The freezer is in the garage (where I can't guard it)

As suggested by the title our freezer is in the garage, which is downstairs from the kitchen and living area. Needless to say I should have had it wired with an alarm system. A neighbor was over for coffee one day and we were discussing our respective children and their little escapades. We looked out the window to check on the kids and saw Jed and Tyler walking down the driveway holding hands. Such a sight touches a mother's heart and she is forced to say something she'll regret. Like "You know they aren't always bad. They look so cute and can be a joy to have around." Of course after a second look I realized one of them was holding a bag of frozen strawberries and the other had a bucket of Cool Whip. They were quite enjoying 'dipping and eating'. 

My husband insisted on parking the car in the garage where I could neither see nor hear the kids. He insisted "They have to learn sometime." Well please, not on my time! One morning we went to go somewhere in the car only to discover it had been painted white with Cool Whip. The Cool Whip now goes in the upstairs freezer!

Oh yes! The ice cream episode. One afternoon I was cleaning up the yard and went to pick up the ice cream pail that was laying beside the sand bank. The lid was on so I took the lid off to dump out the sand. Underneath 3 inches of sand, the rest of the pail was filled with melted ice cream. My little angels had taken a new pail of ice cream out of the freezer, eaten all they wanted and filled it back up with sand.

Those BIG light switches

It was a fairly quiet day and the baby was sleeping. The big kids were off at school and Jed and Tyler were outside playing. I had five minutes to myself. (Whatever possesses a mother to think she can time 'to herself'?) Anyway I sat down with a cup of coffee. Shortly thereafter the power went out. I breathed a sigh of relief that I already had the coffee made! The power was only out a few seconds before it came back on. It then flickered a few times and went out again. After a few short power outages I realized that while the power was out in the dining room, it was still on in the kitchen and vice versa. I raced down to the ever silent garage, where the electrical box is located. And yes, there standing on the freezer were two inquisitive little boys. With large innocent eyes they turned to me and asked "Mommy, what are all these big light switches for?" 

I try to occupy them

I must seem like I totally did not pay attention to my kids, but really it's amazing what these two could do in 45 seconds! One day I decided, I don't care if nothing ever gets done around the house I'm going to spend every waking minute occupying their time, with me at their side. While we were sitting at the table cutting pictures from the Christmas catalog and gluing them on construction paper, Jed unscrewed the lid on the bottle of glue...You guessed it!! That little bottle white glue that takes about 15 minutes for me to squeeze 3 drops out of, became empty in about 4 1/2 seconds, right on top the pile of papers. As I'm cleaning up the glue I hear Tyler say to Jed "Look I'm making a road for our cars". Like an idiot, I thought he was drawing on his page! I looked up to see him with scissors in hand, using the pointed end to scratch a map into my wood table. That map is still there right beside my dinner plate every night. 

The day they entered the forbidden room

Let's not forget the event that, I think after 5 years, is the only one that I can still get angry about, if I try real hard!! I'm sure this is the most upset I got with the boys. Doesn't 'upset' sound like such a mild and gentle word? The boys can testify that 'mild and gentle' or even 'upset' are not words they would have chosen to describe their mother that day. Words like angry, fuming, furious, livid and on the brink of murder would probably more suited to the occasion. Jessy's room was (still is) off limits to the boys. All my craft things (which amounted to hundreds, possibly thousands of dollars worth of stuff) was being stored in her closet, which had no doors on it at the time. One day they decided to break a rule and enter THE ROOM....how uncharacteristic of them to disobey! They dumped the large basket containing rolls of ribbon . We're talking 30 or 40 rolls here. Many were completely unrolled but many only half unrolled so there were a few cardboard centers snarled up in the mess too. The bottles of glitter were a real treasure, it looked so beautiful in their hair, the craft stuff, on the bed , in Jessy's clothes and all over the toys. There was a sandwich bag full of one color so it doesn't take too much imagination to realize how beautiful everything was. Of course there were a lot of very interesting things which had to be unpackaged and spread out for closer examination. The absolute most exciting find of the day was the fabric paint. It was 12 or 15 little pots of it, like you get in a paint by number kit. I was amazed at the coverage you can get from that amount of paint. I guess I got a better deal on it than I thought. They had painted the side of Jessy's waterbed, her carpet, her dresser, the wall the door, a wall in the hall and their hands and feet. Needless to say everything they touched or stepped on had spots of paint on it. The worst part I discovered a week or so later. Brandi was in a speech festival, I went to check if her two good dresses were clean so she could decide what to wear. The boys had painted them both with red and blue paint. One dress was about a year old but it was still in good shape and it fit her well. That dress was probably my favorite dress she ever owned. The other dress was the one I had just made for my niece’s wedding. I think she had only worn it twice. Of course, being fabric paint and having over a week to set it never did come out.
You may wonder why these boys can still walk or how they made it to their next birthday. I wonder that myself sometimes!!

The 'minor' things that don't warrant their own headings

There are many little stories I could tell you about Jed and Tyler that could possibly be classified as minor, by comparison to others.
Ty's favorite little trick was to put laundry soap into the washing machine. Being the efficient little housewife that I am, there was always a load of wet clothes in the washer (I blamed that on having 5 kids and living on 5 acres of sand...it was impossible to keep up). Well, our clothes were always nice and clean after getting washed twice, and with 4 times the amount of soap called for.
One day I was putting toys into the toy box downstairs and noticed the toys look quite shiny. Upon closer examination I realized they had tried to open a jar of canned peaches but didn't totally succeed. There were holes poked in to top but they couldn't get the fruit out so they threw the jar into the toy box. It must have happened about a week before because by the time I found it, it had drained all over the toys then evaporated into a thick gooey coating. Many toys went straight to the dump!!
There were numerous other events like smashing glass jars on the basement floor, stealing food, spilling toothpaste and shampoo all over the bathroom and standing on the edge of the bed and peeing into the corner.
What is it about a parent's love? It seems no matter how hard they tried to make me hate them, I still kept loving them! I do thank God, my Father, for His love, mercy and grace to me, which I in turn can extend to my children. 

One thing I've learned through the trials of mothering is:

"God's grace is sufficient"

We Became Two.

I want to start out by saying, "I'm Baaaack!!"

It's been four months since I last blogged.

However, I'm not entirely sure that I am indeed back. But I'll throw out a random blog anyway.

And honestly, it's not that I haven't attempted to blog. I have 6 or 8 unfinished posts sitting in limbo in cyber space that I just never quite got around to finalizing and hitting 'enter' on.

*****

For many people this whole COVID19 pandemic isolation/quarantine/distancing is taking its toll.  And I get that. It's been an unprecedented time in history.

But for me, I have to say that for the most part it's been a bit of a blessing. When I arrived home from Maui in March to find myself quarantined during the height of the toilet paper crisis, I had a number of friends sympathize with me and drop off free rolls of the said coveted resource.

I had already previously decided that when I redid my master suite I was putting a bidet in the ensuite. This solidified my decision.

But isolation was more than that for me.

The time based at home gave me opportunity to evaluate where my life was at. Where my heart was. Where my dreams lay. What direction I want to go.

Forward. That's the direction I want to go.

I truly have had a past that has been showered liberally with blessing. And, I can say that because it's the blessings I choose to count.

Oh for sure, I could rather choose to count the trauma, drama and disappointments, and tell you what a horrific life I have had. For truly I have experienced all this.

But I choose to have a good life.

And so I do.

And I choose to move it forward.

And while I move forward, embracing life as it comes, I do not discard nor discount my past blessings, and even my tough life-lessons, that have put me in the position I am in today.

Albert and I had nearly 37 years of an exceptional faithful marriage that was rooted in a relationship that started when I was just 15 years old. And I am so grateful for him. And for Jesus. And all that being in a relationship with the two of them has brought me.

And aside from Albert, Jesus, and my kids, I've had many other influences on my life. Not the least of which were JimE and Barbee, our BFF's.

As you may well know, JimE is Albert's brother. But more than that, over the years, we considered them first our bestest friends.

And we had so many experiences together.

The hockey years. When Barbee and I froze our asses off watching our NHL-wannabees play defence together in an unheated rink until 11pm then go for dinner after at White Spot or Hart Wheel Inn.

The trips together: Edmonton, Nakusp, Van Isle, Newfoundland. Canada. Oh Canada. That was 13 years ago today. Yes, today. We embarked on that monumental journey across our great country - A&I on motorbike and J&B the sherpas in the truck and trailer. Oh my. My heart grins a silly grin with the memories.

And seven years later we continued our way across Canada when we spent 3 weeks touring Newfoundland in 2014.

I'm sure everyone has fabulous memories of faraway vacations, but my heart tells me that we were blessed with extraordinary experiences that only we can cherish.

We were besties, we four.

And then, within a short time, we became two.

When cancer, Damn Cancer, claimed Barbee and Albie. And they graduated to heaven to life-abundant with Jesus.

And JimE and I became two. To flounder and find our way without our childhood loves.

And in our floundering we looked to Jesus, and each other.

And to be honest, we truly were just besties trying to make our way through our double grief. Trying to make sense of life. Trying to forge a path forward.

Both of us grateful for the blessings of our pasts, but neither wanting to get stuck in them, knowing that the future could hold extraordinary blessing, if only we embraced it.

Blah, blah, blah....

And  then one day last December, my bestie sat across the room from me and said, "Lee, I think I've gone and fallen in love with you."

...and we will be married in 18 days on August 3rd.

We look forward to entertaining you in 2021 in our new home that will overlook the Fraser River. 

Spreading Faster than Covid19

I opened Google up on my phone this morning and this is the screen capture. 

My Google screen capture this morning

I rarely click on trending headlines, but this one caught my attention.

I clicked on the story, even though I knew exactly what the content would be: A world-wide good  news story during this bizarre unprecedented pandemic we are experiencing.

You'd have to be living under a rock to not have come across at least one "hearts in the window" group in your social media feeds. And they all started eleven days ago, right here in L'il Ol' PG, under the creative direction of Bailey Grose.

Yes, ELEVEN days ago. (Well, depending on when you are reading this...) March 17, 2020 to be more precise. And it has spread across the world faster than Covid19 itself.

Bailey is the event planner who hosts and organizes Prince George's Original Wine & Paint Nights that Lauren Gull and I are honoured to be the resident artists for. She is also an admin for the HYPG Facebook group that has nearly 42,000 members.

The original "Hearts of PG" has lots of off-shoot groups across the world. Some are mentioned in the Toronto Star article.  Have you joined one? Do you have hearts in your window? I encourage you to participate.  Heck, join more than one group! And make sure you post a photo to the original Hearts of PG page and check out some of the amazing displays hailing from far and wide.

Painting watercolour hearts was a great distraction while in quarantine after returning from Maui. 

Social Distancing? or Social Connecting?

There's a seemingly apocalyptic world pandemic going on right now.

The catchphrase of the day is "Social distancing." Everyone is saying it.

But are they doing it?

No, no they are not.

In fact from what I am experiencing, within my 4-walls of quarantine after an out-of-country trip, pretty much the exact opposite is happening. There is a social knitting together happening all over the world.

And it's good.

The world over, people have in a sense, been flattened to a level playing field. It doesn't matter how much money you have, the colour of your skin, your employment status, your gender, your age, your religion, your..... what have you...   We, as members of the human race, are in this together. Just as God intended from the beginning of time.

 In our Physical Distancing, we are experiencing a Social Connecting.

And I just know when it's all over (and it will eventually be over) life is going to look different. We are going to look at life different.

So, I will no longer refer to it as "Social Distancing," but rather, "Physical Distancing."  I've heard a number of people starting to use this term, including the Provincial Government officials during their daily press conference updates.

Yes, we need to do our due diligence and keep our physical distance from other humans. But let's keep our social connecting going.

That being said, most of us use social media to strengthen our human connections during this pandemic: Facebook. Instagram. FaceTime. WhatsApp. Zoom (Wish I woulda bought shares in the company last  month, instead of watching my current investments free-falling 😊  )

But we do need to be mindful of those who don't or can't socially meld in this way.  Not everyone is isolated with 3 other household members. It's a really scary time for the elderly - especially those whose spouses are living in care homes and they can no longer interact. Or those who are in fact living in care homes - there are some scary stats out there.

So my challenge to you today is to make it a priority each day to contact someone in your circle who might be a little more isolated than the rest of us. Use your vintage skills and pick up the phone and give someone you don't usually contact a call. It takes 3 minutes of your quarantined time. You'll feel better and you just might be the highlight of someone's day, week, month...

On the Hunt for the Ultimate Keto Bread Recipe.

Finding a decent keto bread recipe is always on my mind. Up until I started keto almost eleven months ago, I made most of my own bread. And I really miss it.   

Yeah, this is my original bread I USED TO make... you didn't think it was actually keto did you?!

A few weeks ago I was watching a video recipe of someone making a loaf of keto bread. I liked the shape of the loaf so I scratched down the recipe on a scrap of paper as I watched.  I was tidying up my desk a bit today and came across the scrawled out recipe and decided I'd give a whirl.  

The last line I wrote out said: 4 - 8" parchment-lined loaf pans.

I lined the loaf pans and mixed up the ingredients. The recipe calls for 7 eggs. I thought that sounded like quite a few, but then did the math and thought that's actually less than 2 eggs per loaf, so not too bad. 

I divided the dough into 4 equal parts and put it in the pans. Each pan had like, an inch of dough. I was trying to envision how it could possibly raise enough to make an actual loaf. I know eggs raise things, but there was only 1 tsp of baking powder in the recipe. 

Duh. Then it dawned on me.  The last line of the recipe meant ONE 4"x8" pan, not 4 pans.  Glad I figured that out before throwing all 4 into the oven. (Although, this blog would be much funnier had I actually cooked them like that.)  I scraped all the batter into one pan and tossed it in the oven and headed off to have a shower. 

I was hoping to emerge from the shower to the glorious smells of fresh baked bread.  But alas, it smelled like fried eggs.

When I dumped the loaf out of the pan, melted butter dripped through the cooling rack.  But I had a loaf of bread!

I decided it would be grilled cheese, made with brie, for supper.

The bread was so buttery, I didn't actually add butter before I fried it. It toasted up quite nicely.  

The taste? It was aiight.    

But it tastes pretty much exactly like 90-second bread with a hint of coconut... which takes 90 seconds to make, not 90 minutes.  

So yeah, still on the hunt for the ultimate keto loaf.  

I'll stick to my purple buns for now.  

I'm sure SOMEONE will ask for the recipe anyway, so here it is:

7 eggs - room temperature

1/2 c melted butter

2 TB coconut oil

2 c almond flour

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp xanthan gum 

1/2 tsp salt

Beat eggs 1-2 minutes. 

Add butter and oil. Mix.  

Add dry ingredients. 

Beat till thick. It never did look thick to me so I added 1 TB almond flour  and a smidge of X gum. 

Pour dough into ONE  parchment lined 4"x8" loaf pan. 

Bake at 355* for 45 minutes.