Another Carried Away Status Update Turns into a Rambling Blog.

Many of my blogs start out as Facebook status updates that just get carried away with their word count...

Home. There is nothing quite like it, no matter how fancy or chaotic or dysfunctional or humble it is. And tonight I am home. Ahhh.

It's been a month of guests in my house, laying my beloved's remains to rest, travelling, family reunions, hotels, touristing, grandkidlets, parties and fun. And 5000km on my car. I've loved pretty much every moment of it, but I exhale a breath of release as I walk alone into my silent home tonight.

And I find peace. And I am grateful.

Ultimately, I am grateful to Jesus for my blessings. But more tangibly I am grateful to my Albert. I miss him horribly. But even in missing him, I have to acknowledge my gratitude for all that he has provided me - physically, emotionally and otherwise. Truly all that I am is due much to all that he injected into my life.

Fuck.

(Sorry Mama, sometimes an f-bomb is all that I have.)

Life in the midst of grief often feels like such a juxtaposition. How do you reconcile your sadness and anger with your joy and gratitude?

*****

I arrived home tonight after 5000 km to find a shipment of 200 copies of my newly published children's book, "Bluebird's Song," sitting on my steps. I am a published author. This ticks a bucket list and other life boxes for me.

My inspiration for the story is 100% Albert and his wisdom.

And I am grateful.

And I am angry.

Angry that he's not here to share the moment. Angry that checking my bucket list item of authoring a bonafide book is a result of losing a very substantial part of my being.

Angry.

Angry.

Angry.

I am angry. But I am grateful. I don't know how to reconcile this within me.

Fuck.

******

But now, back to reality...

Here is my original Facebook status update, that got carried away with wordage, and resulted in this little expulsion of words (and I offer no apology nor explanation as to how my emotions and/or a glass or two of wine carried me off):

Driving home on the final 100 or so kms of my emotionally packed month I was travelling through Quesnel.

I got to the right-hand turn onto Front Street (hwy 97) in Q-town and had to stop because there was an obviously apparent drunk woman stumbling into the crosswalk blocking my driving lane.

She stopped in the middle of the lane with her back to me and other oncoming traffic, with her arms flailing towards the walking bridge across the Fraser River as she yelled obscenities and instructions to unbeknownst persons.

After a few seconds of standstill in the middle of the street, I honked a short beep of my horn.

And my ever-eager Jed also reached over and honk-honk-honked the horn.

Which of course, startled the apparently intoxicated women, who turned around  and started yelling obscenities at me and leaning over the hood of my car throwing two hands of middle fingers at me while she started kicking the front of poor Francesca, my car.

I regretted not being quick enough to have Jed take photos or a video of the incident on the fly, but on getting home an hour later I don't see any damage to the car. I'll double check in the morning.

11,111km on 6-month old Francesca as i left Kamloops this morning. At this rate she'll only last me about as long as her 4-year warranty and maintenance package.