Oh How I Miss You on this Random Thursday.

"I don't need a calendar to tell me when and how to love my wife."

There may or may not have been a expletive or two included that first February just weeks after we had gotten married.

I do admit to a few initial pangs of disappointment as I responded, "I'm okay with that  ... as long as you prove you don't need a calendar."

Special Days like Valentines were never a huge deal in our home as I was growing up neither, so I wasn't completely dashed.

And prove it, he did.

Now, I can't say that our lives were filled with romance and ritual or gush and glamour. But we were solid.

Sometimes I'd get "a pretty rock" he found at work, or he'd make up a 'ditty' or write an entire song for me, or he'd bend my name out of a piece of copper wire. (Now, that right there is worth more than a 50-dollar bouquet of roses.)  Although I did indeed get flowers fairly consistently through our 37 years together. For random reasons, or no reason at all. Our anniversary was about the only official designated calendar day he acknowledged consistently. And my birthday. Usually.

An 'eclectic' bouquet he had the florist build for me last year. He specifically chose each seemingly unco-ordinating flower for a reason. 

But in the early years we were pretty broke-ass poor and we didn't buy gifts, or even cards, for each other on our anniversary. Instead we would stop in the greeting card aisle of the grocery store sometime in the week or so before our anniversary and each choose a card or three (usually a funny one and a more romantic one) and give them to each other and say, "If I was going to spend 3 dollars on a card  this is the one I would buy for you." (Yeah, I know. A three-dollar card. Things were cheaper 37 years ago) And then drive through McDonalds and call it a day.

Now, to an outsider, it might have looked like our casual approach to 'special days' was an indicator of a dull and suffering relationship. However, anyone who knew us well knew that I did indeed get random flowers more often in a year than there are 'special days.' And even the occasional diamonds or gold, even though I'm not really a big jewelry person.

And it worked for us. I know there are lots of people for whom special days are significant and acknowledging that is important, but it just wasn't our gig.

And now, walking through this grief, I am finding myself grateful that Albert chose to honour, bless and love me more on random nondescript days than he did on the calendar days which our culture indicates are special. It makes it easier for me to wake up on those days and make it through.

Truly, I am so grateful for all we shared. Especially for the non-conventional stuff that even now is coming back to bless me in ways I really didn't understand at the time that it could.