Exercising my option to opt out.

I know the economy is slow and it's Christmas time, and even the people at Capitol One and Synovate need to make an income, but give me a break. If I had a dollar for every unauthorized assault on my phone line in the past month I could pay off my mortgage.

I know they probably all strictly adhere to the 10 o'clock rule (no phone calls before 10 am and none after 10 pm) however I think they all live in Newfoundland or India. Which means I, in the Pacific Standard Time world, get the calls at ungodly times of the night, like 7:30am. I am not a happy camper to wake up to a telemarketer at that hour of the morning.

So this morning I made the effort to register with the National Do Not Call List. Before doing so, of course I did my due diligence and googled about it. I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I clicked on the information site and there, spread across the top of the page is an ad for ... Capitol One Mastercard. Oh, the irony!

I registered my number. Apparently they legally have 31 days to still call me, but then I'll be safe for 3 years. I'm not confident that this system will actually work when the list of exempt callers includes: governments, surveys, charities, written media, and companies we have dealt with in the past. And if some unauthorized organization calls me, it's up to me, the innocent homeowner, to contact Phone Busters to tell on them. (Yes, Phone Busters. Sounds hokey, but it's a legitimate organization run by the RCMP)

So for what it's worth I have done my part.

That will not, however, stop my calls from Home Depot Card Services, with whom I have a relationship. Shall I say with whom Albert has a relationship. Apparently I am unauthorized. So even after passing the stringent tests of repeating phone numbers, addresses, postal codes, dates of birth and what he ate for supper last night, the reply is, "Is Albert available to speak to?" Why test me, if you have no intention of speaking to me.

I should get smart and just say, "This is Albert speaking, how may I help you?"

That way I can answer the question they call with nearly every month: "We received a cheque for $3117, there is currently $3742 outstanding. Which transactions do you want me to apply the funds to?" Umm... how about the ones that are listed on last months statement. You know, the ones that add up to $3117. It's not rocket science.

Thank God the basement suite is finished and our contractor card relationship is nearing its end.

There's no need to panic ... just yet.

I remember about 15 or 20 years ago, friends of ours put their Christmas tree up on December 2nd. I distinctly remember not being alone in thinking, "That is ridiculous."

But somehow in the past couple of decades, the Christmas season has just kept expanding.

I was in the mall on November 28th, and I crossed paths with a few different acquaintances. Now, I realize that Christmas is a nice neutral subject that most everyone can relate to, so it makes a good conversation starter, however, every person- myself included, was nearly in panic mode because we "weren't ready for Christmas yet". It wasn't even December yet.

In this electronic, high speed, ready-made, disposable world we live in, you'd think things would become simpler and easier. Not so. Back in the day when most gifts, cards and decorations were hand made, people managed to prepare for and celebrate the birth of our Lord in a two week time frame. Now we need two months. And thoughts of the Lord rarely surface for more than profanity.

And so, in the spirit of years gone by, I have waited until the second week of December to do any shopping, decorating, baking and start making my Christmas cards. It has nothing to do with laziness, procrastination or lack of energy and ambition.

And if you believe that, I have a plot of land I'd like to sell......

The flash and dash of Christmas time.

I love Christmas lights - pretty ones, not the gaudy Disney crap. They add brightness and cheer to the long dark days of winter. It should be the law that houses have Christmas lights from September 22 until March 22 while the nights are longer than the days.

However that being said, because the siding is only half finished and inside the finishing touches haven't been added to the addition, I myself have not really gotten into the festiveness of the season. Jed has lights twinkling in his windows so we don't look completely like grinches.

Until 4 o'clock yesterday, our grass was green and as I typically do every November and December, I held a small glimmer of hope that winter wouldn't actually materialize. Of course this yearning is partially spurred on by the fact that I still have aging summer tires on my car. And my drivers side wiper is about as useful as a soggy kleenex.

The snow started falling at 4 yesterday and shows no sign of stopping. Winter has arrived. I left a few minutes early for work, knowing that I'd be pushing snow with my bumper as I back out of the garage and down the driveway. Alb shoveled a walking path from the door to the car but didn't have time to get the drive done before it was time for me to leave.

I made it about 6 feet before the poor little Jetta pouted and spun her wheels and made me take a second run. The second run she just flatly refused and the dash lit up like my non-existent Christmas bulbs flashing all sorts of pretty colours. My trusty little owners manual tells me that my ABS breaking system has failed and my car will not handle safely. In my great mechanical know-how, I decided that if I shut the car off and started it again perhaps the lights would go out and my car would be healed. Nope. Didn't work. The lights still flashed and warned.

So what could I do but phone in and take the day off work. I'm not sure what staying snuggly indoors is supposed to do to help and I'm sure I'm gonna need the missed wages to take the Jetta to the doctor. But for now I'm warm and dry and wishing the flashing lights were in my window, not my dashboard.

My mom sews better than your mom.

This weekend was the unveiling of the Christmas decorations and as expected, everyone was thrilled and awed by my mother's quilting. Friday evening was a dessert night and silent auction to raise funds for a missions project. I had numerous people tell me to make sure I pass on their compliments to Mom.

Apparently they even took time during the Sunday service to acknowledge the displays. Everyone clapped and cheered and many want them left up all year. I however did not witness this display of gratitude because I was playing the role of sinner while I slept in to recover from the said decorating extravaganza.

For the record, the stained glass quilts will not be staying up all year ... that would mean I'd have to come up with something else to wow the crowd with next year at Christmas.

It's like traveling without leaving home.

Ok, so I signed up for this five year drug therapy because I was under the impression that hot flashes were the number one side effect. But can I just react like everyone else? Noooo. I have to rebel and be freezing all the time. However, this has allowed me to justify buying 2 new sweaters this week.

I've been experiencing another kind of weird thing. I don't know if it's drug related, or just that I'm so tired and have had a lot of things on the go lately, but I've had memory lapses it's not really memory loss - just forgetting things.

I have always had a good memory. As a matter of fact it's my memory that got me through high school in as good of shape as I did. It allowed me to skip 17 of 51 classes in the 2nd term of grade 10 math and still pull off a high B+. It's allowed me to win numerous "50 bucks, 50 bucks" from Jimmy. And I've always assumed I'd have it with me.

And you know what assume does.... (and just in case you don't - it makes an ass out of u and me.)

The other day at work, my boss asked me to look up our massage chair factory rep's email address and order 3 chairs. I immediately got on the task. And while I was interrupted briefly to help a customer, it wasn't long before I had our sauna rep's email open and I stared blankly at the computer trying to remember why the heck I was looking her up. I asked my co-workers if any of them knew. I finally had to admit defeat and went to the boss and said, "I have Kristi's address, now tell me again why you asked me to find it."

"No! It's not Kristi the sauna girl, it's Tammy from massage chairs......" I completely had no recollection of her instructions from 5 minutes previous.

Then twice yesterday I was driving to familiar places and I had no idea where I was. As I drove down Van Bien Ave towards the church, a trip I take a number of times each week, I totally didn't recognize what street I was on. It only lasted probably less than 2 seconds. I was in complete control of my vehicle, and I knew I was headed to the church but I felt like I was driving through a strange town. Very bizarre.

The same thing happened last night as I neared Westwood Dr coming down Ferry Ave. Again a road I drive almost daily, but I had a total out of mind experience - knowing where I wanted to be, but not recognizing where I was for a brief flash of time. It's kind of unsettling, but hey, it's a cheap vacation.

Seven hours of deckin' the halls

I should have known by 9:10am yesterday what kind of day I was in for.

That's when I arrived at the church armed with the promised trays of veggies and cheese and a dozen cinnamon buns that I had bribed possible fellow decorators with. Starting time wasn't until 10 but I wanted to make coffee and get the last of the stuff unloaded from my car before that.

The church was locked up tighter than an American airport on September 12th ... Hmmm. Maybe the pastor and secretary don't start until 9:30, I'll go home and have a coffee. Thank God it's only a short drive.

As I sat at home savouring my morning brew, I thought, "I'd better phone the pastor. You never know..."

Turns out he was sick in bed and Wednesday is the secretary's day off.

"We gotta get you a key and the code," was the pastor's response to me. Uh no. I don't think so. Now, I don't mind having a title like "Official Church Decorator" but I don't want responsibility. Keys and codes bring responsibility. Especially when I am the parishioner living second closest to the church building. Who do ya think they're gonna call when keyless codeless people want in the building.

Anyway, I scooted off to the pastor's house to get his key and the alarm codes. It was 10:02 when I arrived back in the parking lot. Obviously all the elves and helpers who planned on helping out with the decorating left at 10:01 thinking decorating day had been cancelled.

Not long after I had everything hauled in, my eventual crew arrived: a 71 year old woman. I know I joked about not wanting 30 different opinions on the decorating crew - I guess I should have been more willing to tolerate any kind of help. Jed also showed up later in the afternoon. And while he did do a number of jobs for me, I felt like I expended as much energy explaining my decisions and convincing him as I did decorating.

I cannot thank my fabulous husband enough for the hours he put in the day before getting all the "ladder jobs" done. He, who doesn't even attend the church and doesn't even care for Christmas decorating - what a good guy.

By 4pm, we'd had enough and we called it quits. While it took a lot longer than I expected, and the mess still needs cleaned up, I'm pretty happy with the results. I had my camera with me, but at the end of the day, I just didn't have the energy to pull it from my purse. Maybe I'll get some tonight after work when I go back to finish up.

Can you see a difference?

The siding, facia and soffit isn't finished yet, but I thought I'd post a picture of the house as it looks today compared to 2005.