Monkey Bump!

Fasting not required. 

That's how I interpretted my doctor's brutal handwriting  on Tuesday when I showed up for my blood test appointment. 

Turns out it said, "Fasting mid August." 

The lovely lab tech/nurse/clerk (not sure of her formal title) informed me they had no available appointment slots left for Wednesday. But she was sympathetic to the fact I was leaving town Thursday and said if I just showed up sometime in the morning, she would be there, and would squeeze me in. 

I arrived shortly before 10am, having had no coffee and minimally brushing my teeth, being careful not to swallow. 

My nurse of yesterday was nowhere to be seen. Neither were any of the supposed patients who had all the appointments booked. The waiting room was empty and I got in right away. 

"Liana?" the nurse calls out. 

I stood to follow her to the blood sucking station. 

"What's your last name?"

"Ziemer," I respond out loud while thinking, "I'm doing fabulous, thanks. I got a parking spot right next to the meter and had no-one in line ahead of me." 

"Birthdate?" 

I responded with the correct answer followed by my usual comment when having to have blood taken, "My veins don't always cooperate. Often they need to use a baby butterfly in my hand to get blood." 

She wasn't particularly friendly from the get-go, but my comment caused an actual visual cloud come over her. As if I was challenging her. 

She whips a rubber tourniquet around my upper arm, swabs my inner elbow and gives it a couple of firm taps. 

She didn't even ask me to make a fist. But I did anyway. This is not my first rodeo. 

She plunged a syringe into my veins. 

It wasn't completely painless, but not the most painful blood extraction I've experienced.

She sucked out a single vial of blood.

And in one fell swoop, removed the tourniquet and taped a cotton swab onto the injection site. 

"You are free to go," she triumphantly stated. 

"Well, that was easy peasy. Thank you." I stood up and walked out of the clinic after being in her chair less than 40 seconds. 

As a token of appreciation of my less-than-five-minutes in the medical lab for which I was forced to purchase a mandatory minimum 2-hour parking ticket (aided by the fact I was parked right next to the meter) I took my parking ticket and jammed it into a crevice in the parking meter hoping someone else could use it.  

I then sat in the car for two minutes answering some texts. 

Meanwhile an older gentleman came up to the parking meter and took the ticket and was squinting to examine the dates and times on it. 

"It's good until 12:30," I said. "It was mine, but I only used it for 5 minutes." 

Oh my gosh! Best part of my day was the glee on his face! He saved a loonie. 

I drove away, headed for Costco. 

I got a few blocks away from the clinic and my inner elbow felt tight, like the tape was pulling on my skin. So as I was driving I reached with my right hand and pulled the tape and cotton swab off my elbow. A quick glance showed a bit of blood on the swab, maybe slightly more than normal, but not a crazy amount. 

Driving further my inner elbow still felt weird, so I look down at it.

Monkey bump! It looked like there was a golf ball under my skin at the injection site! 

I tried to get a photo. Yeah, I was driving distracted. 

I was driving so couldn't get the best angle. But this was a giant monkey bump! 

It's now 12 hours later. The bump has subsided somewhat but I am black 'n blue and if I touch it I get a jerking reflex sensation. 

I've never experienced anything like it. And I've given many many vials of blood to the lab.