November - Remember

November 11 is Remembrance Day here in Canada.

But double that down and November is Remembrance Month for me.

I do indeed remember.

I remember, or rather, honour the memory of, those who gave their life.

Seriously.

They gave their very lives.

They died.

They literally died.

So generations later, citizens like me could sit here at their computers and scroll their screens in warm houses, glass of wine in hand, offering gratitude for our extravagant lives.

I'm not sure how I got here, clicking along. But tonight I clicked link after link and ended up watching multiple yuutube videos that I have uploaded over the years.

I honestly would have told you, "Yeah, I have a Youtube account but don't really use it."

But actually I have a number of meaningful to me videos there.

And most of them are posted in November.

Remember November.

November 11,1985.

I was twenty years old.

My fourth child, Jed, was concieved on that very morning on November 11 that my five-month-old son, Ben, grew wings and made his way into eternity.

But Ben wasn't the only one to launch into heaven in November.

My Father-in-law also chose November 19 for his exit.

In 2012, I spent the last 3 or 4 months of his life sitting at his side in Rotary Hospice House.

While I had held wee Ben's lifeless body, albeit after the fact - holding my father-in-law Ernie's hand and actually seeing him pass was the first time I witnessed someone's spirit vacate their physical body.

I can't actually describe this with accurate English words.

But I have experienced it two more times since.

Four months later, in March 2013, I held my mother as her life left her physical body and I saw it soar into eternity.

Again, I have no words.

I cannot describe what it is like to witness someone's spirit leave their body.

On one hand it is horrific.

On the other is it is, well, indescribable.

Surreal.

And honestly an honour.

And then came November 2018:

On the first day of the month, my beloved daughter-in-law and my two eldest grandchildren suddenly found themsleves saying goodbye to "Happy Grandpa." My heart broke. Especially knowing that their other grandpa, "PaPa" was following shortly. On November 28th, I held my husband, my lover, partner of 37 years, and watched pain leave his body as his spirit soared.

Again, I have no words.

How can I describe my deepest pain while I witness his highest high.

I have no words.

November Remember.

So yeah, tonight I was clicking along from something that popped up in some social media feed. I ended up watching funeral services and slideshows of many of my loves. Many who left me in November.