Oh my aching brain.
In our 37 years of marriage I was always the financial brain and he was the braun. He cheerfully handed me his paycheque every two weeks and I juggled how to rob Peter to pay Paul. And we lived a pretty good life.
But I can't say we had "financial smarts." We just depended on his paycheque and counted on Canfor and the Pulp & Paper Industry Pension carrying us through the golden years.
Well, our golden years were taken from us. And I shall trudge along in more of a "tarnished brass" state.
To be sure, my hard working husband has left me in a position to be taken care of, but I find myself in the position of making financial decisions over these last few weeks that will most assuredly affect the rest of my life. And I'm frigging stressed. And I think it's affecting my brain.
I met with my financial advisor again today and had to sign and date many forms. March 28, 2019.
Four months. As of today, I have slept alone for four months.
I decided to stop at Costco on the way home. As I entered the store I had the sudden feeling that my purse felt unusually light. A quick glance verified that I indeed did not have my phone in my purse.
I knew I had it in the advisor's office, so I thought, "Oh, I'll just phone and see if I left it there." Uhh, yeah, you don't phone anyone if you've left your phone behind.
I wasn't sure how late the office was open so I left immediately to go back and retrieve the forgotten phone before returning to Costco to do my shopping.
I walked by the floral display and thought to myself, "Four months is a milestone. A milestone that sucks. But a milestone none-the-less. I deserve that giant bunch of purple tulips." And into the cart they went. Along with numerous other items that, while I am grateful for, certainly didn't fall into the 'need' category.
I returned to Francesca, my car, and gave a swift kicking motion to open the back hatch about the same time a woman arrived at the next car beside me with her cart of goods.
She noticed my large bunch of tulips and said, "Oh how lovely. That was awfully nice of you to buy flowers for your husband, he is really going to love them."
Without really thinking, I responded, "Yeah, I guess I did buy them for him. It's been four months today since he died."
Of course she was embarrassed and apologetic. But we had a good chatter while we both unloaded our purchases into the back of our vehicles.
I pushed the button to close the back hatch. And as it lowers, I think, "Shit!"
I had set my purse down in the cargo space while chatting with the woman and casually saying inside my head, "Remember to grab your purse." But of course I didn't.
So now my purse was locked inside the car. You'd think with all her smarts Francesca would have screamed, "Don't be an ass... your purse is INSIDE the car, don't close the door." However, she did scream at me when I tried to use the magic kicking motion or press the door and hatch buttons, because I did not have a key fob on my person.
But I have this great little app on my phone that will lock/unlock the doors, start the car, track her location and even show you the speed she is travelling if someone has taken her for a drive.
But of course, if you lock your phone inside the car you are screwed.
The woman from next car over offered to give me a ride home, but I opted to walk. Thank God it's only about a 4 minute walk home to get the spare key.
I felt so naked walking home - no purse, no keys, no phone. No husband. And it was the second time within an hour I'd done a brain-dead thing. Other than once or twice way back in the day when I left my phone at work, I don't think I've ever forgotten it anywhere other than home. And I don't recall in nearly 40 years of driving that I have EVER locked my keys in my car.
When I returned to the Costco parking lot with a spare key I witnessed an "event" that included a couple of vehicles, yelling and swearing and a bodily injury. It's been a few hours and it actually still has me a bit shaken.
So yeah, that's the web log of my day. (Did you know that's where the term 'blog' came from. Web log.)
My brain hurts.
